Heart Transplant

So I'm a bad blogger.... sorry about that.

Frankly, there have been many times where I have been tempted to blog thoughts and things, and then just realized that these "thoughts" are really more along the lines of rants. They would be the angry, frustrated product of someone who should really just journal, read her Bible, and talk to Jesus about things first. (Please know, I'm not trying to shut you out my life - I'm trying to be more prudent in what I say, especially when what I have to say is probably not true or uplifting for anyone to read.)

So here I am, on Christmas break, trying to sort through a couple months worth of thoughts, experiences, memories. To be perfectly honest, the last couple months have been...how shall we say......very rough. Emotionally, relationally, spiritually. There has been some painful situations to walk through over these months, but even more painful than the situation is seeing my reaction to that situation. I never cease to be amazed when the Lord reveals to me the utter depravity of my own heart, the depth of the sin and wickedness that happens there. The Lord is doing a major work.

And its not like the He wasn't doing a work before, but this one is different. Its deeper. Some very deeply rooted sins are being exposed, and feel like they are being ripped out. Its excruciatingly painful. And in some ways I knew what I was in for - I gave the Lord permission to do what needed to be done to work on these areas. I guess I underestimated how painful that work was going to be! (Side note: Prayers for things like humility and for the Lord to "do what is necessary to deal with X" - these prayers are dangerous! Know that the Lord will hear and will answer swiftly! Pray at your own risk!)

Theres a part of me that is crying from the pain of that work, and then this other part of me that is deeply, intensely thankful for the work that He is doing. Its definitely not over, and I don't even know if I can say that I can say that the worst is over, but the first shock of pain is over. It kind of feels like I'm at that point in a heart transplant where the previous "bad" heart is about to be replaced with a new, "good" heart, but it hasn't quite been put in yet. I'm hoping that it will be soon.

I keep going back to those verses in Ezekiel 11 when the Lord is talking about bringing back His people Israel from where Hes scattered them, and the work He will do in their hearts

"And when they come there, they will remove from it [Israel] all its detestable things and all its abominations. And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh that they may walk in my statues and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God." 11:18-20

What a promise! He removes the heart that doesn't belong and gives us the heart He originally intended us to have that we traded for something evil. He takes us back as His people, and claims us as His own. Amazing.

So this is where I'm at. If you're in the same boat as me, where you're feeling the Lord work some things in your life that are not so comfortable, know that we have a promise. He's not done yet. And when He is, we will see Him more clearly, serve Him more purely, and worship Him more earnestly.