Start Over

Today I got fired.

There is so much to say in that tiny statement. I won't go into detail, but I acted out in an uncharacteristic way with no excuses. I was angry, but that is also no excuse. This is one of those times when you realize the gravity of one small action; one moment of not being in control and thats it. There is no excuse for what I did, and it was right for me to be fired. I am still shocked and saddened over this turn of events (and even more shocked at myself that I could do something like that), but this job was truly the Lord's, He gave it to me, and it was His to allow to be taken away.

"The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21

Its kind of amazing how the Lord has already taught me so much through this....and it hasn't even been a full day. After my manager had sent me home initially, I came home and cried for about an hour. I repented, both for my action and for my heart attitude, and apologized for hurting Him. And the amazing thing? He forgave. I'm reminded of the verse that says that the man who is forgiven much, loves much. There was again a moment of awe as I marveled in such grace....I for sure don't deserve it. I don't know if you can appreciate grace to your fullest extent unless you can first see just how badly you can screw up.

Another thing I realized this morning is the fact that when the Lord promises to restore and redeem, He doesn't just mean the things that He "screwed up" in our lives. He also wants to redeem the things that we ourselves have screwed up in our own lives. Yes, there is discipline, and boy does it hurt, but it brings about something beautiful: growth. A further and deeper reliance on Him and on His grace.

This morning I was reading in 2 Corinthians 1 where it says
"Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again."

He is my Deliverer. He has delivered, and He will deliver. In all things He is good (in HIS definition of goodness).

To be honest, if there's ever a good way to get fired, this was it. Both the person involved and my manager forgave me, and my manager basically said that she wished she didn't have to do it. So, I left on pretty good terms, all things considered.

So here I am. Jobless. Unemployed. Lots of time on my hands to think, pray, and job hunt. But He is good. Even in this. In YOU my heart will trust...