Lessons from "Mother India"

This has been an interesting week. However, let me start at the beginning.

It all began when I got an invitation on facebook to attend a Light of the World Ballet performance in OH and PA. Well, two of them actually (lol). I clicked "attend" and then asked Breanne, my fellow company member, what this all meant. She just said, well, LWB is going to OH and PA, but I don't know if trainees are going or not. Oh, ok.

Fast forward a week or so. I learn that the company is in fact touring to OH/PA, and they are only going to take two trainees with them. Guess what? I am not one of the ones invited to know. Shock! Disappointment! Confusion! At first I was a little upset. I hate feeling inferior. I hate feeling rejected. And then came the feeling sorry for self.....that I am always the one rejected, that I never get to do what I want to do... and they are doing the ballet called Mother India, which I really really want to do....
You get the picture.
So the company/2 trainees starts rehearsing this ballet at lunchtime. I got to see this beautiful ballet for the first time. Man. It is beautiful.
Mother India tells the story of the Dalit people of India, the lowest rung of the caste system there. In the ballet, there's this song called Mother India (hence the name), which talks about terrible poverty but the amazing hope that comes in the morning.... and I just got this sense that my feelings are so small. I remembered that the dancing itself isn't the point. The message of hope is the point. At that moment I started praying for the girls who will be heading out on tour in November...I think the Lord wants to do a mighty work through them. I will continue to lift them up in prayer: this is my part for this next tour. I won't be dancing. I won't even be physically with them. But I will be upholding them in prayer, interceding that the Lord would use them to draw many to Himself.....

And also, just because it is awesome, here is the song Mother India, put together with video that someone took from Calcutta, india.

Masterpiece

Let me tell you a story. It is the story of last week. It is kind of an unfortunate story, because it is the story of me failing at trusting God (again).

Last week I chose to share with my director some things I'd been struggling with as far as my attitude about being here at LWB goes. I just wanted her to be aware of it, as I have been dealing with this discontentment of not being where I originally wanted to be for quite some time now.

She responded a little differently than how I thought she would - via a pep talk of sorts about being content with where the Lord puts us and how what He has for us is not 2nd best, etc. I needed to hear it, for sure, but that doesn't ever make it easier to hear you know? The unfortunate thing is that I know this. I've been through this exact situation multiple times before. Apparently I didn't quite learn the lesson. I know some people say that you're not "relearning the lesson" per se, but you are just "learning it on a deeper level." Unforunately I do not this is the case here. I think I am relearning this lesson for the thousandth time. And that is pretty frustrating.

Its been over a year and a half now of learning this lesson. The progression has been slowly getting better over time, and I thought I was completely over this whole wanting my own way thing....hmm. So how come I am back here? Why? How does one randomly get blindsided by this? I thought I was doing so good (of course!).

Taking a step backwards is never a good feeling. It makes me feel pretty hopeless that I will ever make it to the point of being truly content and having true peace in this area of my life. And then I got reminded of Phil. 1:6

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Thank the Lord I am NOT hopeless, and He IS FAITHFUL to finish what He starts. And then on Sunday, after a long week of anger/frustration at self for not getting with the program (and at God, for not making my problems go away...), He gave me a picture. To the Lord, I am a masterpiece of a painting. I am definitely not finished, and there are definitely some new colors that He needs to acquire and mix before putting it on the canvas, but just has He creates the masterpiece of the sky each day, He is creating what I will be eventually: His workmanship, a beautiful piece of art. All I can say is, Thank you Lord that you don't give up on us, and you can make something of my life....

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Eph.2:10