Comfortable

"Hear my cry, O God, lisen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy." Ps. 62:1-3

What characterizes the life of a trainee? I would say trust. Relying on God. Particularly in the area of jobs and finances. In the past 3 weeks, 4 of us trainees have gotten jobs, and 3 of us who thought we were set are suddenly not so certain. Are there enough hours? Enough pay? Do I really have a job at all? So many question marks. Its a little hard not to be at least a little worried when we have rent and tuition to pay, prayer letters to send out (that costs money), and $400 to deposit for the Peru trip by October 15th. And food and gas on top of that. I'm trying to think of this as more chances to trust Jesus for daily needs....
Its kind of funny though, that even in this the Lord is trying to teach me to give more. For instance: The other day we all got home from dance and sat in the kitchen and talked about how little money we have. I suggested we pray for God's provision. So we did. Not an hour later, my roommate Cayla comes running up the stairs to our room exclaiming about how the Lord provides and sent her money from her mom and also a check from her former employer! Wow. Thank you Lord. So of course, I go down hoping (but trying not to get too hopeful) that there is money for me also. To my surprise, I instead found a letter from the Indian child who I support through Compassion International. Wow. What timing....not a coicidence. After I pray for provision my roommate receives money....and I receive a reminder of money I give away? Hmm. But then the Lord reminded me of his promise that it is more blessed to give than to receive.

It was also not coincidence that a couple days later I was reading in Crazy Love by Francis Chan (awesome book by the way - read it) of people who have nothing and yet find something to give away. I don't have nothing. I have slightly more than nothing money-wise. And if I sold my possessions I would definitely have a pretty good chunk of money on my hands. I am not destitute. I just like being comfortable. I don't like having to pray about having enough money for the next week. I think I am doing enough by paying tithe (when I have a church that is....) and giving $38 to Compassion per month. But give away any more than that? Anything but having to give up buying Nutella and money for snowboarding. I like feeling comfortable and prepared. But I am not so sure God is for that - in Luke 10, when Jesus sends out disciples for ministry he tells them not even to bring a bag or a coat or anything. Crazy? Yes. Relying on God? Also yes. Relying on Him is a scary place I don't like to put myself in. Lord increase my faith....

I say I would give all for Jesus but is that reflected in the way I handle my money? Man. What a challenge eh? Oh that I would consider anything to my profit a loss for the sake of Christ....

*Sorry, hopefully this all makes sense! So many thoughts in my head....