Comfortable

"Hear my cry, O God, lisen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy." Ps. 62:1-3

What characterizes the life of a trainee? I would say trust. Relying on God. Particularly in the area of jobs and finances. In the past 3 weeks, 4 of us trainees have gotten jobs, and 3 of us who thought we were set are suddenly not so certain. Are there enough hours? Enough pay? Do I really have a job at all? So many question marks. Its a little hard not to be at least a little worried when we have rent and tuition to pay, prayer letters to send out (that costs money), and $400 to deposit for the Peru trip by October 15th. And food and gas on top of that. I'm trying to think of this as more chances to trust Jesus for daily needs....
Its kind of funny though, that even in this the Lord is trying to teach me to give more. For instance: The other day we all got home from dance and sat in the kitchen and talked about how little money we have. I suggested we pray for God's provision. So we did. Not an hour later, my roommate Cayla comes running up the stairs to our room exclaiming about how the Lord provides and sent her money from her mom and also a check from her former employer! Wow. Thank you Lord. So of course, I go down hoping (but trying not to get too hopeful) that there is money for me also. To my surprise, I instead found a letter from the Indian child who I support through Compassion International. Wow. What timing....not a coicidence. After I pray for provision my roommate receives money....and I receive a reminder of money I give away? Hmm. But then the Lord reminded me of his promise that it is more blessed to give than to receive.

It was also not coincidence that a couple days later I was reading in Crazy Love by Francis Chan (awesome book by the way - read it) of people who have nothing and yet find something to give away. I don't have nothing. I have slightly more than nothing money-wise. And if I sold my possessions I would definitely have a pretty good chunk of money on my hands. I am not destitute. I just like being comfortable. I don't like having to pray about having enough money for the next week. I think I am doing enough by paying tithe (when I have a church that is....) and giving $38 to Compassion per month. But give away any more than that? Anything but having to give up buying Nutella and money for snowboarding. I like feeling comfortable and prepared. But I am not so sure God is for that - in Luke 10, when Jesus sends out disciples for ministry he tells them not even to bring a bag or a coat or anything. Crazy? Yes. Relying on God? Also yes. Relying on Him is a scary place I don't like to put myself in. Lord increase my faith....

I say I would give all for Jesus but is that reflected in the way I handle my money? Man. What a challenge eh? Oh that I would consider anything to my profit a loss for the sake of Christ....

*Sorry, hopefully this all makes sense! So many thoughts in my head....

Life in Syracuse

I never know what to write in these things, but I figured its time for an update.

Well, I'm here in Syracuse. We are into the second week of the program, and not too sore so far. Still getting back in shape, fun fun! Its coming, slowly but surely. Today I did devotions for the group and talked about Jer. 17:7-8....It seems like there are so many verses in the Bible that use the analogy of trees by the water for believers who are abiding in Christ. Anyways, its been a good reminder to me.

The other news is that I got a job at Ruby Tuesday as a hostess! That will be exciting. I start today....I think. I think I start training today, technically. I am so grateful the Lord opened the doors for this job, it seems like it will be great. The only potential downside is that they close at 11 on weeknights and 12 on weekends, which is a little later than what I was hoping for, but the Lord will make a way! The timing for all of this is good, seeing as I have very little money right now....I'm supposed to be receiving money from savings bonds here pretty soon, but its taking a long time (long story). So I'm trusting the Lord to get me through this month too! So yeah. Lots of trusting God happening right now. Its good. Hard at times, but good.

And really exciting news? I'm going to Peru with Light of the World in March. Isn't that exciting!? We weren't sure if the trainees were going to get to go, but they invited us as well! We will be doing the Crown, one of our ballets that is based on the book of Proverbs and is the story of this girl who tries to use her good works to gain the crown of life. But obviously since thats impossible, she becomes thwarted by Foolish (the bad guy - or girl as it were), and then cries out to Wisdom for help. Thats the basic plot anyway. I get to play the part of Pride in it, which is ironic, because that is probably the sin I struggle with the most. Theatrically, its a fun part to do, but I'm thinking that it is not just by coincidence that I have this role.....

I think thats about it. Oh, and I've been church hunting.....fun fun! Not. Found a couple possible candidates, and one that looks fairly promising, but I want to look around a little more first.

So yep. Such is the life of Gwen at this point in time :D

God You are GOOD

No matter where I am at, God you are good.
Whether I am happy where I am at, or ready to throw in the towel, pack up, and move away.

Whether I feel like a fat cow or a tiny dancer.

Whether I feel like I have direction and a plan or whether I'm floundering in a sea of questions.

Whether I am familiar with my surroundings, or in a new place.

YOU are GOOD. You are here. You are present. You are working.

No matter if I feel zealous and passionate about serving you here, or whether it takes a lot of effort just to make it through the day.

No matter if its been a day of joy and laughter and encouragement, or a day of weakness, tears, and discouragement.

No matter where I am at, Lord you are good.
Where I am at physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually.......
Your faithfulness is unchanged by my circumstances. Your love is unchanged by my reactions.

Faithful God. Thank you....even in this you are here.

"All the paths of the Lord are loving and faithful...."