I have a prayer request (or 3...)
For whatever reason, I haven't been sleeping very well lately. Some of it is due to the hectic schedule of getting ready for performances and such things, but in any case, I am so done with feeling tired all the time... It takes me a long time to fall asleep, which is probably because my mind is wandering all over the place and can't seem to find its way back home to rest. Just with all of the performances here, the audition this weekend, Japan stuff coming SO quickly, and trying to keep up with praying for all the kids I work with (at CMA and at the churches I go to), I kind of have a lot on my plate. Especially with the audition for Light of the World Ballet coming up this next weekend, I would prefer to not go into it already feeling drained.
Which leads me to my next prayer request: the audition. I do feel like I am supposed to do the audition, that much is clear, but I just haven't had a whole lot of time to prepare for it. I have only been taking two ballet classes a week, and recently less than that with the crazy schedule. I don't feel like I'm dancing very well. And yes, I know that it is all in the Lord's hands regardless of how well or how poorly I do, but I want to leave the audition feeling like I did well. Ya know?
But on the bright side, stuff is going fairly well, CMA-wise. We had our first (and largest) performance on Friday up in Ft. Collins, which was such a blessing. All my kids did pretty good, I love those girls. I also get to share about Japan this year, which I thought was going to be scary, but really wasn't; I just need to learn to be more succinct with my words--I can talk for quite some time... But my *favorite* part was the recessional, the big piece at the end with all of the students. This time the song is called "God of Justice" by Tim Hughes (look it up, its a winner), and it talks about how the Lord has given us all that we need and filled us with His light and life so that we may share it with others. Anyways, at the end, there is this part that we do all together, all 100 something kids and then the rest of us...and let me tell you, looking down and seeing all these kids exhorting those watching to go and let their faith become an action - it was powerful. I just about cried. Pray that the Lord would be using these performances to spur His people into action!
"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?"
Micah 6:8
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Untitled Poem
My Joy has been restored
after laying my burdens at the feet of the Lord
no more to struggle alone
after my problems lie at the foot of His throne
Oh Gracious God, now I trust now I see
these problems were not meant for me
to carry alone with no one beside--
A Heavenly Friend does come alongside
What freedom comes in letting go
true joy and peace, now I know
an unfair trade of struggle for rest--
and You, O Lord, know my way best.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Good Gifts
I don't usually post two blogs so close together, but I wanted to share...
So recently at CMA things are getting close to performance time, which means that I am finishing up teaching dances and and am in the process of "cleaning" them. In one of my classes, I had a girl missing two weeks in a row and was getting a little concerned (read: very anxious/worried) about catching her up and cleaning that dance in two short weeks. So last night I was praying about this, and then I was like, why am I praying about this? Its not like it matters to God that much. It would really only make me feel better about myself, make me feel like I'm a good teacher.
And then I heard that little whispering voice say "Why do you think I don't want to give you good things?"
This is not the first time I have asked this question, or received this answer, but every time it happens, I have to go back and ask What is it that makes me doubt that the Lord wants to give me such things? Now, I'm not one of those people who buys into the "name it and claim it" philosophy of some, I probably tend to err on the side of assuming too often that God doesn't want to give ___ to me.
My answer last year was in a situation with my dad. My dad sometimes says to me "If you do ___ I will give you all the money in my pocket." And more often than not, I say no, because for all I know he could have 10 cents in his pocket. But one of the times I did do it, I ended up getting over $3.00 in change from his pocket.....And how often do we do that with God? Assume that he doesn't want to bless us, His beloved children? Or worse, will just rip us off when we ask for things?
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you....Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matt. 7:7, 9-11
Obviously, no good parents gives their children everything they want, but that doesn't mean that we should hesitate to run to God with all of our requests, big and small. He has proven His goodness to us in dying on the cross, first and foremost--is anything we could possibly request of more worth than that?
"Let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of men! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." Ps. 107:8-9
So recently at CMA things are getting close to performance time, which means that I am finishing up teaching dances and and am in the process of "cleaning" them. In one of my classes, I had a girl missing two weeks in a row and was getting a little concerned (read: very anxious/worried) about catching her up and cleaning that dance in two short weeks. So last night I was praying about this, and then I was like, why am I praying about this? Its not like it matters to God that much. It would really only make me feel better about myself, make me feel like I'm a good teacher.
And then I heard that little whispering voice say "Why do you think I don't want to give you good things?"
This is not the first time I have asked this question, or received this answer, but every time it happens, I have to go back and ask What is it that makes me doubt that the Lord wants to give me such things? Now, I'm not one of those people who buys into the "name it and claim it" philosophy of some, I probably tend to err on the side of assuming too often that God doesn't want to give ___ to me.
My answer last year was in a situation with my dad. My dad sometimes says to me "If you do ___ I will give you all the money in my pocket." And more often than not, I say no, because for all I know he could have 10 cents in his pocket. But one of the times I did do it, I ended up getting over $3.00 in change from his pocket.....And how often do we do that with God? Assume that he doesn't want to bless us, His beloved children? Or worse, will just rip us off when we ask for things?
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you....Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matt. 7:7, 9-11
Obviously, no good parents gives their children everything they want, but that doesn't mean that we should hesitate to run to God with all of our requests, big and small. He has proven His goodness to us in dying on the cross, first and foremost--is anything we could possibly request of more worth than that?
"Let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of men! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." Ps. 107:8-9
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Faith vs. Logic
For whatever reason, I kind of love reading forums on the internet. They are very interesting, thought-provoking....it gets especially interesting when you start reading threads on the forums regarding religion...
For instance, I recently became a member of a snowboarding forum. On this forum they also have a Politics section (ha. It seems that many of the snowboarding community--at least on this forum-- lean really far left politically...very interesante), which happens to have threads about religion in it. One thread was entitled something along the lines of "Religion is Poison" or something like that. I pulled it up on my browser.....man. Wow. The basic premise is that pretty much all religion is bad because religious people force their ideas onto others and are pretty much not intelligent enough to think for ourselves, hence why we lean on religion and not use our brains.
Of course, such a strong thesis will draw others into the discussion, and then you get people from all over the map stating their opinions. There's always a couple Christians in the mix as well, and they do their best to explain and to argue why God is real, how its really about relationship and not even about religion, how not all of us are like those crazy fundamentalists the media is so fond of pointing out..... and I've seen this happen on multiple forums, multiple times.
Which then brings up questions from the atheists and others---where's the proof? How do you know there is a God? What about creation vs. evolution---how do you fight science and the evidence? (Often these questions are posed in a way that can feel somewhat threatening to the Christian on the forum. Usually the questions are not meant to be threatening--they are good questions--but the sheer number of people asking them can be intimidating).
What then happens Mr. Christian tries to defend His faith. (Or they start complaining that they are being attacked simply because they are being questioned....but that is for another day...) And this is what I have an issue with--not the fact that He tries to defend it, but the fact that this person can't do it with logic.
I see this in Christian circles a lot. Its all about the feelings/emotions--feeling that God is there, etc. And that is not a bad thing. I myself am one of those people who falls into the catagory of not-so-logical. But the church can sometimes forget that there are plenty of people out there who need to understand with logic. they need to think it through. And hello, God created logic---it is not an evil thing. We are told to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. We need to be able to explain why we believe what we believe--and even if it is mostly feeling-based, logic is involved as well. I think any Christian who wants to live like a Christian in this world today needs to be able to back up their faith. Research your faith. Know the history of it. Understand why you believe it.
And one more thing--the topic of faith. This is always the thing--how do you explain an unseen Being logically? There is always a measure of faith involved. But my point is that there is logic as well as faith involved here. There are times when you follow God where there is a blind leap of faith, but we need to remember that God is a God of logic as well as faith, He created us with the ability to ask questions, think things through, use the brains He has given us.
P.S. I am definitely not claiming to have a ton of answers here, and I will be the first to admit that I am not the best about doing my homework as far as figuring out why I belive God and explaining that logically. These are just some thoughts that I've had for a while now....
For instance, I recently became a member of a snowboarding forum. On this forum they also have a Politics section (ha. It seems that many of the snowboarding community--at least on this forum-- lean really far left politically...very interesante), which happens to have threads about religion in it. One thread was entitled something along the lines of "Religion is Poison" or something like that. I pulled it up on my browser.....man. Wow. The basic premise is that pretty much all religion is bad because religious people force their ideas onto others and are pretty much not intelligent enough to think for ourselves, hence why we lean on religion and not use our brains.
Of course, such a strong thesis will draw others into the discussion, and then you get people from all over the map stating their opinions. There's always a couple Christians in the mix as well, and they do their best to explain and to argue why God is real, how its really about relationship and not even about religion, how not all of us are like those crazy fundamentalists the media is so fond of pointing out..... and I've seen this happen on multiple forums, multiple times.
Which then brings up questions from the atheists and others---where's the proof? How do you know there is a God? What about creation vs. evolution---how do you fight science and the evidence? (Often these questions are posed in a way that can feel somewhat threatening to the Christian on the forum. Usually the questions are not meant to be threatening--they are good questions--but the sheer number of people asking them can be intimidating).
What then happens Mr. Christian tries to defend His faith. (Or they start complaining that they are being attacked simply because they are being questioned....but that is for another day...) And this is what I have an issue with--not the fact that He tries to defend it, but the fact that this person can't do it with logic.
I see this in Christian circles a lot. Its all about the feelings/emotions--feeling that God is there, etc. And that is not a bad thing. I myself am one of those people who falls into the catagory of not-so-logical. But the church can sometimes forget that there are plenty of people out there who need to understand with logic. they need to think it through. And hello, God created logic---it is not an evil thing. We are told to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. We need to be able to explain why we believe what we believe--and even if it is mostly feeling-based, logic is involved as well. I think any Christian who wants to live like a Christian in this world today needs to be able to back up their faith. Research your faith. Know the history of it. Understand why you believe it.
And one more thing--the topic of faith. This is always the thing--how do you explain an unseen Being logically? There is always a measure of faith involved. But my point is that there is logic as well as faith involved here. There are times when you follow God where there is a blind leap of faith, but we need to remember that God is a God of logic as well as faith, He created us with the ability to ask questions, think things through, use the brains He has given us.
P.S. I am definitely not claiming to have a ton of answers here, and I will be the first to admit that I am not the best about doing my homework as far as figuring out why I belive God and explaining that logically. These are just some thoughts that I've had for a while now....
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Taxes and other mean things
I. Hate. Taxes.
End of story. They're mean. I feel as if they were sprung upon me this year---they hit me out of the blue. Blindsided by it. I pretty much don't know what I'm doing. At all. Something about coming up with the sum of my income (by adding my W-2 and the 1099) and then getting to deduct things. That is about the extent of all I know. Thank you Lord for giving me a Dad who is an accountant!!!!! I did learn that I can deduct my dance shoes and classes and Itunes stuff for CMA though--thats good. That stuff is super expensive. I think I will still have to pay some (lame) but I'm hoping it won't be too much....
my mom keeps telling me that I should marry someone who is good with money. heh. SO true.
Anyways--on to other mean things. Like my face. I recently started going on this acne medication called Accutane (recently here meaning 2 days ago) that basically sucks all the moisture from your body. Its intense stuff---for women, they make you go on at least 2 forms of birthcontrol to make absolutely sure that you don't get pregnant, because the birth defects are so bad. On every piece of paper they give me, on every single container of pills it says in big bold letters DO NOT GET PREGNANT. Multiple times. Thanks. We get the message. Oy. Anyways, despite the fact that this stuff is supposed to get ride of my zits, I am actually getting more zits right now. Awesome. *sigh* Oh and some of the side effects can include depression and thoughts of suicide. The things we do for beauty....
Yet another mean thing---self motivation and self-discipline. I used to be self-disciplined. I don't know what happened. Specifically having to do with dance and this audition coming up....I don't want to do it. Not so much the audition itself, as the classes I need to take to work toward the audition. I don't want to go. I have been taking ballet class on pointe which is highly unfortunate....it makes me feel as if I can't dance. At all. I do like my teacher, but she pushes me REALLY hard, and is one of those teachers who gives more advice and corrections than encouragement. Which isn't a bad thing, its just kind of discouraging at this point in my life. In any case, for whatever reason I feel unmotivated, I just need to make myself do it. I'm going to the audition, I already bought my ticket, I do think the Lord wants me to go to the audition at least. After that? Who knows? At this point I feel uncertain about what this fall will hold. Trying to take this one day at a time---you have to walk before you can run.
Well, that's it folks. The three biggest (current) plagues of my life, right there. You know what they say; "there are two things in life you can be sure about--death and taxes." And you know what else they say-- "life sucks and then you die." (haha. Just kidding. These things are but trifles, they're just annoying :) )
End of story. They're mean. I feel as if they were sprung upon me this year---they hit me out of the blue. Blindsided by it. I pretty much don't know what I'm doing. At all. Something about coming up with the sum of my income (by adding my W-2 and the 1099) and then getting to deduct things. That is about the extent of all I know. Thank you Lord for giving me a Dad who is an accountant!!!!! I did learn that I can deduct my dance shoes and classes and Itunes stuff for CMA though--thats good. That stuff is super expensive. I think I will still have to pay some (lame) but I'm hoping it won't be too much....
my mom keeps telling me that I should marry someone who is good with money. heh. SO true.
Anyways--on to other mean things. Like my face. I recently started going on this acne medication called Accutane (recently here meaning 2 days ago) that basically sucks all the moisture from your body. Its intense stuff---for women, they make you go on at least 2 forms of birthcontrol to make absolutely sure that you don't get pregnant, because the birth defects are so bad. On every piece of paper they give me, on every single container of pills it says in big bold letters DO NOT GET PREGNANT. Multiple times. Thanks. We get the message. Oy. Anyways, despite the fact that this stuff is supposed to get ride of my zits, I am actually getting more zits right now. Awesome. *sigh* Oh and some of the side effects can include depression and thoughts of suicide. The things we do for beauty....
Yet another mean thing---self motivation and self-discipline. I used to be self-disciplined. I don't know what happened. Specifically having to do with dance and this audition coming up....I don't want to do it. Not so much the audition itself, as the classes I need to take to work toward the audition. I don't want to go. I have been taking ballet class on pointe which is highly unfortunate....it makes me feel as if I can't dance. At all. I do like my teacher, but she pushes me REALLY hard, and is one of those teachers who gives more advice and corrections than encouragement. Which isn't a bad thing, its just kind of discouraging at this point in my life. In any case, for whatever reason I feel unmotivated, I just need to make myself do it. I'm going to the audition, I already bought my ticket, I do think the Lord wants me to go to the audition at least. After that? Who knows? At this point I feel uncertain about what this fall will hold. Trying to take this one day at a time---you have to walk before you can run.
Well, that's it folks. The three biggest (current) plagues of my life, right there. You know what they say; "there are two things in life you can be sure about--death and taxes." And you know what else they say-- "life sucks and then you die." (haha. Just kidding. These things are but trifles, they're just annoying :) )
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