Today I choose joy.
I will not wallow in the mire of self-pity.
I choose to not feel sorry for myself and keep asking the "Why God?" question.
I will rest in peace in the fact that His plans for me reflect His character, that He has good things in store, perfect plans specifically chosen for my life where I can reflect and glorify Him best. Different pots for different purposes.....
I will rest in that. It begins to give me peace and I know that His perfect peace will keep me. For now, all I can do is continue to look up and keep pressing on.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and is seated at the right hand of throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted...." Heb. 12:2-3
(If you're wondering why the sudden outburst, its because I'm reflecting on friends getting to go places and getting opportunities that I wanted. I remember in the past when I've gotten rejected and others have gotten accepted, they would all say "just trust the Lord, He must have better plans for you" and I was always like "yeah right. I would like to see you get rejected and be disappointed and then believe that"....yeah, I was kind of bitter. And some times its still a struggle to not feel sad that everyone seems to get exactly what they want and I don't, but its not true. All I have to do is look back to God---His promises, His character, His faithfulness in the past....and then its better :) )
choosing joy is so hard. I feel like sometimes i would rather be unhappy, not because i don't want to be happy, but because i like having self-pitty. woeee is mee!!! God is FOR SURE working on that in my heart. Praise to Him, cause I don't do a very good job of fixing that on my own!!!!
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