So at Celebration Ministry of Arts, this session we will be focusing on outreach--God's love flowing through us to others. (It fits together rather well after last session, talking about the Vine and the Branches and how He is all we need.) I am really excited, yet at the same time, very challenged.
Not because I don't like the idea of outreach, this cup overflowing to those around us--its the practical application of it is the thing. Its recently come to my attention that I am very selfish. VERY selfish. Maybe not at first glance, but when you look closer.....for instance, my finances. Yes, I tithe. But the bare minimum. Yes, I sometimes give to missions/missionaries, Haiti, etc. But there's always enough left in my account to get that oh-so-unnecessary Starbucks fix.
I say that I love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and I want to share His love with others ("Lord, whatever it takes for me to show you to the world!"), but when that sentiment doesn't even stretch as far as my wallet, I have a problem.
It kind of reminds me of the story in Mark 12:41-44
"And [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, 'Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had to live on.'"
As much as it hurts to admit it, I am the rich person in the story---putting in a small fraction of what I could really give and walking away with the coins in my wallet clinking. I try to kid myself and say "well, I'm giving God the best of everything else I do, isn't that enough?" or "Really, realistically, this is all that I can give. Honest. I'll practically starve if I put more into the offering plate."
Such lies. I once knew (well, I guess still know) a girl who had no income. She had no real job---and the Lord provided for her to the point where she had money for rent, food, tuition, a car, and she was able to tithe. It was incredible. And I know of other stories like this, and yet I still doubt that the Lord will provide if I give more. Its pathetic. I am disgusted with myself.
I want to change. I want everything that I have, including my finances, to be able to be used by God at HIS convenience; I want it all to be at His disposal....and yet I fear. Old habits die hard....I know that this will not be a quick fix (what is?), but I keep praying that God will help me to be obedient as I offer this area of my life to Him. Lord make me faithful in giving back to you what you have loaned to me for the time being! Make me to be a good steward.
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