I decided to make a list of things I'm looking forward to over Christmas break. (What else is there to do in a tiny airport when your flight is very very delayed?) SO, here goes...
1) not digging out my car multiple times a day
2) not working at Ruby Tuesday!!1 Two whole weeks - oh what bliss
3) seeing my wonderful friends and family
4) going to my home church(es)!
5) having a starbucks on every corner
6) not cooking (I use that term loosely)....or having to buy food for that matter
7) waking up late
8) catching up with friends I haven't seen in a long time....
9) Having time to catch up with people!
Things that I will miss - the muscles that I get from digging my car our all the time ;) lol. What else....friends. My roommate. hmm..... I'll miss my church in NY.
I'm coming home!!1 YAY :) Soon and very soon...
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Quick Lesson (ok, quick-ish....)
I am a bad blogger in case you haven't noticed. Bad because there is absolutely no consistency in the frequency of when I write posts....sorry....
Anyways, its late at night so I'll make this quick.
Lesson of the week (and the lifetime):
God's goodness has absolutely nothing to do with us.
Yup.
We try and try to convince ourselves of how great our problems are, and there are times when our problems, failures, battles lost, horrific events, and Goliaths seem impossible for anyone to take on. But who are we kidding? Honestly.
Whatever it is, MY GOD is greater. It doesn't matter how big it is, how hopeless or impossible it seems: He IS bigger.
I've been struggling a lot with discouragement over issues that seem to never go away, or even improve a little bit. I'm told I have the power to overcome (and I technically do - well, Christ's spirit in me), and still I fail, frustrating. But thats not the point. And it never has been.
The fact that I have a God who has fought and still fights for me, AND has already won is what matters. He doesn't change at all. He doesn't fail at all. He already has overcome.
And even more amazingly, He promises to answer when we call! No matter how many times I've prayed the same prayers (and its been a lot of times...), He promises that He WILL answer.
And in the verse right before this one, Jesus tells the story of this guy whose friend visits him while he's in bed, because he needs stuff. At first the man says no, but because of the persistency of the man, he ends up answering the guy's request. Wow. I don't think I ever realized that we were encouraged to be that bold with our request to the Lord...
Personally, that kind of makes me want to be the most annoying, pestering, praying person coming to the Lord with my requests :D
Anyways, I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore, but I just need to write out this stuff, and typing is faster than journaling sometimes :)
Anyways, its late at night so I'll make this quick.
Lesson of the week (and the lifetime):
God's goodness has absolutely nothing to do with us.
Yup.
We try and try to convince ourselves of how great our problems are, and there are times when our problems, failures, battles lost, horrific events, and Goliaths seem impossible for anyone to take on. But who are we kidding? Honestly.
Whatever it is, MY GOD is greater. It doesn't matter how big it is, how hopeless or impossible it seems: He IS bigger.
I've been struggling a lot with discouragement over issues that seem to never go away, or even improve a little bit. I'm told I have the power to overcome (and I technically do - well, Christ's spirit in me), and still I fail, frustrating. But thats not the point. And it never has been.
The fact that I have a God who has fought and still fights for me, AND has already won is what matters. He doesn't change at all. He doesn't fail at all. He already has overcome.
And even more amazingly, He promises to answer when we call! No matter how many times I've prayed the same prayers (and its been a lot of times...), He promises that He WILL answer.
And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.Luke 11:9-10
And in the verse right before this one, Jesus tells the story of this guy whose friend visits him while he's in bed, because he needs stuff. At first the man says no, but because of the persistency of the man, he ends up answering the guy's request. Wow. I don't think I ever realized that we were encouraged to be that bold with our request to the Lord...
Personally, that kind of makes me want to be the most annoying, pestering, praying person coming to the Lord with my requests :D
Anyways, I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore, but I just need to write out this stuff, and typing is faster than journaling sometimes :)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
A Reluctant Missionary
Here's a question: Do you consider yourself a missionary? If you do, then how many people have you told about Jesus this past week? Using words?
This has been something that God has been working on in me: the telling of His story. Not just showing it, and believe me, I believe it is absolutely important to show His light to others. But I think that often we (I say we, I really mean I) forget that we are also called to PREACH the word.
We tend to take the slightly safer road of showing, and not just bust out saying what we really think.
Do I love Jesus? Yes.
Do I think my life is worthless without Him? Yes.
Is He the most important thing to me, so much so that if I had nothing else but Him I'd still be ok? Yes.
But you don't just go out and tell that to people! Seriously.
Right?
The other day in devotions I was praying and was telling God how I wanted to follow and obey and live for Him in all I do....His response? "Gwen, you're kind of a reluctant missionary."
Case in point: This past week we had an assignment - share your testimony of what God has done in your life with a non-believer. It could be someone who we knew, or a random person from the street. I think this is something that I always try to be aware of, but when its an actual assignment, you REALLY start keeping your eyes open for opportunities. And every time there would be a silence in the conversation of the person I was talking with, I would fill it with something else, and then let that person just walk away. A wasted opportunity.
How sad is it that it takes an assignment to make me share my story? What is wrong with this? It saddens me to think of how many times I just talk about something else. As an acquaintance of mine said, "It's like the world is going go hell and we're having elevator conversations."
If I could just get over that fear of man, I would be much better off. Honestly, I have the living God on my side, living in me and empowering me - what is some incredulous person really going to do to me?
So here's a challenge for you. Each day, ask for an opportunity to talk about the Lord with one person. It's a prayer He will grant and tts kind of amazing the opportunities He will put in your path.
So, who's with me?
This has been something that God has been working on in me: the telling of His story. Not just showing it, and believe me, I believe it is absolutely important to show His light to others. But I think that often we (I say we, I really mean I) forget that we are also called to PREACH the word.
We tend to take the slightly safer road of showing, and not just bust out saying what we really think.
Do I love Jesus? Yes.
Do I think my life is worthless without Him? Yes.
Is He the most important thing to me, so much so that if I had nothing else but Him I'd still be ok? Yes.
But you don't just go out and tell that to people! Seriously.
Right?
The other day in devotions I was praying and was telling God how I wanted to follow and obey and live for Him in all I do....His response? "Gwen, you're kind of a reluctant missionary."
Case in point: This past week we had an assignment - share your testimony of what God has done in your life with a non-believer. It could be someone who we knew, or a random person from the street. I think this is something that I always try to be aware of, but when its an actual assignment, you REALLY start keeping your eyes open for opportunities. And every time there would be a silence in the conversation of the person I was talking with, I would fill it with something else, and then let that person just walk away. A wasted opportunity.
How sad is it that it takes an assignment to make me share my story? What is wrong with this? It saddens me to think of how many times I just talk about something else. As an acquaintance of mine said, "It's like the world is going go hell and we're having elevator conversations."
If I could just get over that fear of man, I would be much better off. Honestly, I have the living God on my side, living in me and empowering me - what is some incredulous person really going to do to me?
So here's a challenge for you. Each day, ask for an opportunity to talk about the Lord with one person. It's a prayer He will grant and tts kind of amazing the opportunities He will put in your path.
So, who's with me?
Friday, October 29, 2010
Lessons from "Mother India"
This has been an interesting week. However, let me start at the beginning.
It all began when I got an invitation on facebook to attend a Light of the World Ballet performance in OH and PA. Well, two of them actually (lol). I clicked "attend" and then asked Breanne, my fellow company member, what this all meant. She just said, well, LWB is going to OH and PA, but I don't know if trainees are going or not. Oh, ok.
Fast forward a week or so. I learn that the company is in fact touring to OH/PA, and they are only going to take two trainees with them. Guess what? I am not one of the ones invited to know. Shock! Disappointment! Confusion! At first I was a little upset. I hate feeling inferior. I hate feeling rejected. And then came the feeling sorry for self.....that I am always the one rejected, that I never get to do what I want to do... and they are doing the ballet called Mother India, which I really really want to do....
You get the picture.
So the company/2 trainees starts rehearsing this ballet at lunchtime. I got to see this beautiful ballet for the first time. Man. It is beautiful.
Mother India tells the story of the Dalit people of India, the lowest rung of the caste system there. In the ballet, there's this song called Mother India (hence the name), which talks about terrible poverty but the amazing hope that comes in the morning.... and I just got this sense that my feelings are so small. I remembered that the dancing itself isn't the point. The message of hope is the point. At that moment I started praying for the girls who will be heading out on tour in November...I think the Lord wants to do a mighty work through them. I will continue to lift them up in prayer: this is my part for this next tour. I won't be dancing. I won't even be physically with them. But I will be upholding them in prayer, interceding that the Lord would use them to draw many to Himself.....
And also, just because it is awesome, here is the song Mother India, put together with video that someone took from Calcutta, india.
It all began when I got an invitation on facebook to attend a Light of the World Ballet performance in OH and PA. Well, two of them actually (lol). I clicked "attend" and then asked Breanne, my fellow company member, what this all meant. She just said, well, LWB is going to OH and PA, but I don't know if trainees are going or not. Oh, ok.
Fast forward a week or so. I learn that the company is in fact touring to OH/PA, and they are only going to take two trainees with them. Guess what? I am not one of the ones invited to know. Shock! Disappointment! Confusion! At first I was a little upset. I hate feeling inferior. I hate feeling rejected. And then came the feeling sorry for self.....that I am always the one rejected, that I never get to do what I want to do... and they are doing the ballet called Mother India, which I really really want to do....
You get the picture.
So the company/2 trainees starts rehearsing this ballet at lunchtime. I got to see this beautiful ballet for the first time. Man. It is beautiful.
Mother India tells the story of the Dalit people of India, the lowest rung of the caste system there. In the ballet, there's this song called Mother India (hence the name), which talks about terrible poverty but the amazing hope that comes in the morning.... and I just got this sense that my feelings are so small. I remembered that the dancing itself isn't the point. The message of hope is the point. At that moment I started praying for the girls who will be heading out on tour in November...I think the Lord wants to do a mighty work through them. I will continue to lift them up in prayer: this is my part for this next tour. I won't be dancing. I won't even be physically with them. But I will be upholding them in prayer, interceding that the Lord would use them to draw many to Himself.....
And also, just because it is awesome, here is the song Mother India, put together with video that someone took from Calcutta, india.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Masterpiece
Let me tell you a story. It is the story of last week. It is kind of an unfortunate story, because it is the story of me failing at trusting God (again).
Last week I chose to share with my director some things I'd been struggling with as far as my attitude about being here at LWB goes. I just wanted her to be aware of it, as I have been dealing with this discontentment of not being where I originally wanted to be for quite some time now.
She responded a little differently than how I thought she would - via a pep talk of sorts about being content with where the Lord puts us and how what He has for us is not 2nd best, etc. I needed to hear it, for sure, but that doesn't ever make it easier to hear you know? The unfortunate thing is that I know this. I've been through this exact situation multiple times before. Apparently I didn't quite learn the lesson. I know some people say that you're not "relearning the lesson" per se, but you are just "learning it on a deeper level." Unforunately I do not this is the case here. I think I am relearning this lesson for the thousandth time. And that is pretty frustrating.
Its been over a year and a half now of learning this lesson. The progression has been slowly getting better over time, and I thought I was completely over this whole wanting my own way thing....hmm. So how come I am back here? Why? How does one randomly get blindsided by this? I thought I was doing so good (of course!).
Taking a step backwards is never a good feeling. It makes me feel pretty hopeless that I will ever make it to the point of being truly content and having true peace in this area of my life. And then I got reminded of Phil. 1:6
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Thank the Lord I am NOT hopeless, and He IS FAITHFUL to finish what He starts. And then on Sunday, after a long week of anger/frustration at self for not getting with the program (and at God, for not making my problems go away...), He gave me a picture. To the Lord, I am a masterpiece of a painting. I am definitely not finished, and there are definitely some new colors that He needs to acquire and mix before putting it on the canvas, but just has He creates the masterpiece of the sky each day, He is creating what I will be eventually: His workmanship, a beautiful piece of art. All I can say is, Thank you Lord that you don't give up on us, and you can make something of my life....
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Eph.2:10
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Comfortable
"Hear my cry, O God, lisen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy." Ps. 62:1-3
What characterizes the life of a trainee? I would say trust. Relying on God. Particularly in the area of jobs and finances. In the past 3 weeks, 4 of us trainees have gotten jobs, and 3 of us who thought we were set are suddenly not so certain. Are there enough hours? Enough pay? Do I really have a job at all? So many question marks. Its a little hard not to be at least a little worried when we have rent and tuition to pay, prayer letters to send out (that costs money), and $400 to deposit for the Peru trip by October 15th. And food and gas on top of that. I'm trying to think of this as more chances to trust Jesus for daily needs....
Its kind of funny though, that even in this the Lord is trying to teach me to give more. For instance: The other day we all got home from dance and sat in the kitchen and talked about how little money we have. I suggested we pray for God's provision. So we did. Not an hour later, my roommate Cayla comes running up the stairs to our room exclaiming about how the Lord provides and sent her money from her mom and also a check from her former employer! Wow. Thank you Lord. So of course, I go down hoping (but trying not to get too hopeful) that there is money for me also. To my surprise, I instead found a letter from the Indian child who I support through Compassion International. Wow. What timing....not a coicidence. After I pray for provision my roommate receives money....and I receive a reminder of money I give away? Hmm. But then the Lord reminded me of his promise that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
It was also not coincidence that a couple days later I was reading in Crazy Love by Francis Chan (awesome book by the way - read it) of people who have nothing and yet find something to give away. I don't have nothing. I have slightly more than nothing money-wise. And if I sold my possessions I would definitely have a pretty good chunk of money on my hands. I am not destitute. I just like being comfortable. I don't like having to pray about having enough money for the next week. I think I am doing enough by paying tithe (when I have a church that is....) and giving $38 to Compassion per month. But give away any more than that? Anything but having to give up buying Nutella and money for snowboarding. I like feeling comfortable and prepared. But I am not so sure God is for that - in Luke 10, when Jesus sends out disciples for ministry he tells them not even to bring a bag or a coat or anything. Crazy? Yes. Relying on God? Also yes. Relying on Him is a scary place I don't like to put myself in. Lord increase my faith....
I say I would give all for Jesus but is that reflected in the way I handle my money? Man. What a challenge eh? Oh that I would consider anything to my profit a loss for the sake of Christ....
*Sorry, hopefully this all makes sense! So many thoughts in my head....
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Life in Syracuse
I never know what to write in these things, but I figured its time for an update.
Well, I'm here in Syracuse. We are into the second week of the program, and not too sore so far. Still getting back in shape, fun fun! Its coming, slowly but surely. Today I did devotions for the group and talked about Jer. 17:7-8....It seems like there are so many verses in the Bible that use the analogy of trees by the water for believers who are abiding in Christ. Anyways, its been a good reminder to me.
The other news is that I got a job at Ruby Tuesday as a hostess! That will be exciting. I start today....I think. I think I start training today, technically. I am so grateful the Lord opened the doors for this job, it seems like it will be great. The only potential downside is that they close at 11 on weeknights and 12 on weekends, which is a little later than what I was hoping for, but the Lord will make a way! The timing for all of this is good, seeing as I have very little money right now....I'm supposed to be receiving money from savings bonds here pretty soon, but its taking a long time (long story). So I'm trusting the Lord to get me through this month too! So yeah. Lots of trusting God happening right now. Its good. Hard at times, but good.
And really exciting news? I'm going to Peru with Light of the World in March. Isn't that exciting!? We weren't sure if the trainees were going to get to go, but they invited us as well! We will be doing the Crown, one of our ballets that is based on the book of Proverbs and is the story of this girl who tries to use her good works to gain the crown of life. But obviously since thats impossible, she becomes thwarted by Foolish (the bad guy - or girl as it were), and then cries out to Wisdom for help. Thats the basic plot anyway. I get to play the part of Pride in it, which is ironic, because that is probably the sin I struggle with the most. Theatrically, its a fun part to do, but I'm thinking that it is not just by coincidence that I have this role.....
I think thats about it. Oh, and I've been church hunting.....fun fun! Not. Found a couple possible candidates, and one that looks fairly promising, but I want to look around a little more first.
So yep. Such is the life of Gwen at this point in time :D
Well, I'm here in Syracuse. We are into the second week of the program, and not too sore so far. Still getting back in shape, fun fun! Its coming, slowly but surely. Today I did devotions for the group and talked about Jer. 17:7-8....It seems like there are so many verses in the Bible that use the analogy of trees by the water for believers who are abiding in Christ. Anyways, its been a good reminder to me.
The other news is that I got a job at Ruby Tuesday as a hostess! That will be exciting. I start today....I think. I think I start training today, technically. I am so grateful the Lord opened the doors for this job, it seems like it will be great. The only potential downside is that they close at 11 on weeknights and 12 on weekends, which is a little later than what I was hoping for, but the Lord will make a way! The timing for all of this is good, seeing as I have very little money right now....I'm supposed to be receiving money from savings bonds here pretty soon, but its taking a long time (long story). So I'm trusting the Lord to get me through this month too! So yeah. Lots of trusting God happening right now. Its good. Hard at times, but good.
And really exciting news? I'm going to Peru with Light of the World in March. Isn't that exciting!? We weren't sure if the trainees were going to get to go, but they invited us as well! We will be doing the Crown, one of our ballets that is based on the book of Proverbs and is the story of this girl who tries to use her good works to gain the crown of life. But obviously since thats impossible, she becomes thwarted by Foolish (the bad guy - or girl as it were), and then cries out to Wisdom for help. Thats the basic plot anyway. I get to play the part of Pride in it, which is ironic, because that is probably the sin I struggle with the most. Theatrically, its a fun part to do, but I'm thinking that it is not just by coincidence that I have this role.....
I think thats about it. Oh, and I've been church hunting.....fun fun! Not. Found a couple possible candidates, and one that looks fairly promising, but I want to look around a little more first.
So yep. Such is the life of Gwen at this point in time :D
Thursday, September 9, 2010
God You are GOOD
No matter where I am at, God you are good.
Whether I am happy where I am at, or ready to throw in the towel, pack up, and move away.
Whether I feel like a fat cow or a tiny dancer.
Whether I feel like I have direction and a plan or whether I'm floundering in a sea of questions.
Whether I am familiar with my surroundings, or in a new place.
YOU are GOOD. You are here. You are present. You are working.
No matter if I feel zealous and passionate about serving you here, or whether it takes a lot of effort just to make it through the day.
No matter if its been a day of joy and laughter and encouragement, or a day of weakness, tears, and discouragement.
No matter where I am at, Lord you are good.
Where I am at physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually.......
Your faithfulness is unchanged by my circumstances. Your love is unchanged by my reactions.
Faithful God. Thank you....even in this you are here.
"All the paths of the Lord are loving and faithful...."
Whether I am happy where I am at, or ready to throw in the towel, pack up, and move away.
Whether I feel like a fat cow or a tiny dancer.
Whether I feel like I have direction and a plan or whether I'm floundering in a sea of questions.
Whether I am familiar with my surroundings, or in a new place.
YOU are GOOD. You are here. You are present. You are working.
No matter if I feel zealous and passionate about serving you here, or whether it takes a lot of effort just to make it through the day.
No matter if its been a day of joy and laughter and encouragement, or a day of weakness, tears, and discouragement.
No matter where I am at, Lord you are good.
Where I am at physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually.......
Your faithfulness is unchanged by my circumstances. Your love is unchanged by my reactions.
Faithful God. Thank you....even in this you are here.
"All the paths of the Lord are loving and faithful...."
Monday, August 30, 2010
new city, new friends, new life
Well, I'm here.
Here in Syracuse.
Everything is very green, the air is slightly humid, the streets are rather narrow (well, narrower than Denver, not as narrow as Japan). There are very few Starbucks, but there is a Dunkin Donuts on almost every corner.
I arrived yesterday afternoon, and managed to get almost all my stuff set up AND drive around the city a bit before I fell asleep, tired from the roadtrip (I didn't not fall asleep while I was driving. Just for clarification.) Today I ran around buying stuff for the room - made a massive trip to Target (which is about 15 mintues away.....weird), and also randomly met my landlord who runs the Christian bookstore next to light of the World Ballet's studio. He is super nice. I couldn't ask for a better landlord. He and his wife have a heart for ministry here in this city, and I get the feeling that he is very good at networking. He seems to know everything and everyone. Anyway, we ended up talking to him for a half and hour. I also tried to get a couple applications for jobs today....next to this Christian bookstore, there's a coffee shop called Cafe Kubal, which is really tiny but makes awesome coffee. I asked about an application, but they said bring in a resume, and that they prefer people with cafe experience. So tomorrow the plan is to whip up a resume to give them....as far as cafe experience goes, hopefully my time at Panera will suffice :)
For now, I am not sure how I feel about being here. It feels like some sort of weird dream where I get to pretend to be a college student/adult and buy things and get a job. I guess I'll get my wake up call this weekend when I learn Hannah beaver's new ballet in 3 days. That should be interesting. I mean fun. Don't get me wrong, I am excited, i just wish I were more in shape for this adventure.
I think I'll have a better feel for what my feelings are after I start dancing and stuff. At this point, I am just running around doing errands, which will not be my regular routine..... I am excited to grow in the Lord. I am excited to see what dreams and desires He will lay on my heart this year. I am excited to serve/encourage this company of girls and learn some new choreography. I am not so excited to go back to the classroom atmosphere of dance.
I had this realization: while in Japan (I just need to write a whole seperate blog just about Japan), some of my favorite times were my times not dancing. The times of just serving the churches there. Strange timing, much? not sure what the Lord is doing here. I feel bad about not being so excited for LWB, but I trust that even in this, He has a purpose and a plan and it is good.
Anyway, I'm sure there will be much much more to come regarding these new adventures. I vote you skype me and we talk about it. :D Thanks for listening in y'all, tune in next time for more adventures in Syracuse!
Here in Syracuse.
Everything is very green, the air is slightly humid, the streets are rather narrow (well, narrower than Denver, not as narrow as Japan). There are very few Starbucks, but there is a Dunkin Donuts on almost every corner.
I arrived yesterday afternoon, and managed to get almost all my stuff set up AND drive around the city a bit before I fell asleep, tired from the roadtrip (I didn't not fall asleep while I was driving. Just for clarification.) Today I ran around buying stuff for the room - made a massive trip to Target (which is about 15 mintues away.....weird), and also randomly met my landlord who runs the Christian bookstore next to light of the World Ballet's studio. He is super nice. I couldn't ask for a better landlord. He and his wife have a heart for ministry here in this city, and I get the feeling that he is very good at networking. He seems to know everything and everyone. Anyway, we ended up talking to him for a half and hour. I also tried to get a couple applications for jobs today....next to this Christian bookstore, there's a coffee shop called Cafe Kubal, which is really tiny but makes awesome coffee. I asked about an application, but they said bring in a resume, and that they prefer people with cafe experience. So tomorrow the plan is to whip up a resume to give them....as far as cafe experience goes, hopefully my time at Panera will suffice :)
For now, I am not sure how I feel about being here. It feels like some sort of weird dream where I get to pretend to be a college student/adult and buy things and get a job. I guess I'll get my wake up call this weekend when I learn Hannah beaver's new ballet in 3 days. That should be interesting. I mean fun. Don't get me wrong, I am excited, i just wish I were more in shape for this adventure.
I think I'll have a better feel for what my feelings are after I start dancing and stuff. At this point, I am just running around doing errands, which will not be my regular routine..... I am excited to grow in the Lord. I am excited to see what dreams and desires He will lay on my heart this year. I am excited to serve/encourage this company of girls and learn some new choreography. I am not so excited to go back to the classroom atmosphere of dance.
I had this realization: while in Japan (I just need to write a whole seperate blog just about Japan), some of my favorite times were my times not dancing. The times of just serving the churches there. Strange timing, much? not sure what the Lord is doing here. I feel bad about not being so excited for LWB, but I trust that even in this, He has a purpose and a plan and it is good.
Anyway, I'm sure there will be much much more to come regarding these new adventures. I vote you skype me and we talk about it. :D Thanks for listening in y'all, tune in next time for more adventures in Syracuse!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Let's Roll
I had a moment today. A stupid/funny one...
Anyway, i was looking at my friend Naomi's pictures of China, and instantly had a "Oh! I wanna go! Send me Lord!"
And instantly had His little voice saying: "You are going. Tomorrow, you are going."
Wow. Right. Sorry about that Lord....
I leave for Japan tomorrow at 10:41 AM Mountain time. (This is shortly after I see The Last Airbender at midnight. Yes, I know I am crazy.)
I feel like this trip will personally be challenging for me.....It almost feels like it will be a test. Question mark? I don't know. Just a thought... I have had some opposition spiritually the last couple days....basically just a lack of feeling excited or involved or....anything really. Then of couse I became very selfish and it was all "me me me." Then God and I had a talk today, where He reminded me of His holiness, and how when I serve Him, in some ways I am not really a part of this equation. Anyway....
I leave tomorrow! YAY. God is faithful, I am so grateful to be going....He is sending me out!
If you think of it pray for me. I don't think I'll be blogging much while I'm there, but if you want news, go to www.magnifythelord.org and go to the Japan page where you can find updates for the trip :) Its pretty good stuff, if I say so myself.
See you on the other side of 6 weeks....
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Update + God is good
Sorry I haven't updated in a while, something having to do with the fact that the computer I was using didn't like cookies? So confused. That and the fact that my life has been crazy busy.....where to begin?
Well, we finished up the performances for CMA, that went well. Shortly after, some dear friends of ours from Japan came and visited, which was SO wonderful. They are a joy to be around, and I can safely say that they are very very high on my list of favorite people :)
Then it was just a little crazy getting ready for Japan before our teammate Christine left us for two weeks to go to camp and then the Dominican Republic on a missions trip....so that was crazy. And then she left, and then things got even crazier getting ready for dance camp! That was last week. I taught the Intermediate girls, which was such a huge blessing.....they learned their whole dance in 3 hours (crazy I know! Pretty sure that was God) and were rock stars. There were a couple nights that week that were rough, pretty much having to do with lack of sleep + believing lies that I wasn't doing any good since i wasn't seeing much response....But then God and I had a chat, and am I learning (again) to choose to trust and rest in the Lord and that He is the one working, not me. Overall, it was a fantastic week, filled with lots of fun moments, spiritual growth and good friends. I can't think of a better note I could leave on, teaching-wise. The only hard/weirdish thing was that on Friday I announced that i was leaving to go to NY, so on Friday night, everyone was all sad that they wouldn't see me again.....and I felt so heartless because I don't have time to feel sad yet, and I really do hope I see these girls again. I am just not in that place mentally .....I still felt bad though!
The next day I went to Crystal's (a girl who used to do CMA) wedding....SO beautiful. I have decided I am a fan of smaller weddings. I don't think that I could have one, because I have too many friends/people who'd be sad if I didn't invite them, but I really like the feel of them. The only *interesting* thing about this wedding (for me anyway) was the fact that I caught the bridal bouquet......yeah. Awkward turtle. Not gonna lie, it kind of freaked me out a bit. I don't really think about relationships that much....I have a life. All that aside, the only really unfortunate thing that came out of this is the fact that my sister is now convinced that she must find me a boyfriend. *sigh*
Moving on. I leave for Japan in 3 days. THREE. Crazy? Oh yeah. I am excited, I don't know that I feel prepared, but I am excited to see what the Lord will do! I haven't even begun packing, but thats okay, I don't really pack until the night before anyway. One awesome thing that I have noticed this year is that I feel like I have been prayed for a lot more than usual; it could be that the house church I attend prayed for me, and that was right after dance camp, who also prayed for us, so maybe thats why I feel more "prayed up"? Who knows. Its a good feeling though.
Also a huge praise is that I HAVE HOUSING IN NY!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord! I thought that that wouldn't happen until I was in Japan, which kind of stressed me out a little, but now that is taken care of! Thank you God. He is so Good to know just what we need, and what we can and can't handle.
Anyway, I think that is my life up until now.
Other exciting/different things: I now have light brown hair with highlights. I feel old. I am sad the pink is gone :( BUT I bought myself some converse shoes today! :) At first I wasn't sure because they aren't cheap, but I am SO happy with them already!!! Yay :)
Anways, thanks for reading this massive post.....I don't know if I can update again before Japan, but if you want email updates of what we're doing there and prayer requests and such, go to www.magnifythelord.org and click on the Japan link to be added to the list :)
Well, we finished up the performances for CMA, that went well. Shortly after, some dear friends of ours from Japan came and visited, which was SO wonderful. They are a joy to be around, and I can safely say that they are very very high on my list of favorite people :)
Then it was just a little crazy getting ready for Japan before our teammate Christine left us for two weeks to go to camp and then the Dominican Republic on a missions trip....so that was crazy. And then she left, and then things got even crazier getting ready for dance camp! That was last week. I taught the Intermediate girls, which was such a huge blessing.....they learned their whole dance in 3 hours (crazy I know! Pretty sure that was God) and were rock stars. There were a couple nights that week that were rough, pretty much having to do with lack of sleep + believing lies that I wasn't doing any good since i wasn't seeing much response....But then God and I had a chat, and am I learning (again) to choose to trust and rest in the Lord and that He is the one working, not me. Overall, it was a fantastic week, filled with lots of fun moments, spiritual growth and good friends. I can't think of a better note I could leave on, teaching-wise. The only hard/weirdish thing was that on Friday I announced that i was leaving to go to NY, so on Friday night, everyone was all sad that they wouldn't see me again.....and I felt so heartless because I don't have time to feel sad yet, and I really do hope I see these girls again. I am just not in that place mentally .....I still felt bad though!
The next day I went to Crystal's (a girl who used to do CMA) wedding....SO beautiful. I have decided I am a fan of smaller weddings. I don't think that I could have one, because I have too many friends/people who'd be sad if I didn't invite them, but I really like the feel of them. The only *interesting* thing about this wedding (for me anyway) was the fact that I caught the bridal bouquet......yeah. Awkward turtle. Not gonna lie, it kind of freaked me out a bit. I don't really think about relationships that much....I have a life. All that aside, the only really unfortunate thing that came out of this is the fact that my sister is now convinced that she must find me a boyfriend. *sigh*
Moving on. I leave for Japan in 3 days. THREE. Crazy? Oh yeah. I am excited, I don't know that I feel prepared, but I am excited to see what the Lord will do! I haven't even begun packing, but thats okay, I don't really pack until the night before anyway. One awesome thing that I have noticed this year is that I feel like I have been prayed for a lot more than usual; it could be that the house church I attend prayed for me, and that was right after dance camp, who also prayed for us, so maybe thats why I feel more "prayed up"? Who knows. Its a good feeling though.
Also a huge praise is that I HAVE HOUSING IN NY!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord! I thought that that wouldn't happen until I was in Japan, which kind of stressed me out a little, but now that is taken care of! Thank you God. He is so Good to know just what we need, and what we can and can't handle.
Anyway, I think that is my life up until now.
Other exciting/different things: I now have light brown hair with highlights. I feel old. I am sad the pink is gone :( BUT I bought myself some converse shoes today! :) At first I wasn't sure because they aren't cheap, but I am SO happy with them already!!! Yay :)
Anways, thanks for reading this massive post.....I don't know if I can update again before Japan, but if you want email updates of what we're doing there and prayer requests and such, go to www.magnifythelord.org and click on the Japan link to be added to the list :)
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Thoughts...
So the other day, I was at a dance rehearsal for Japan, and Abby, Tiffany's (Tiff is my friend/director, FYI) little sister was hanging around too. Of course, being only 9, she gets a little bored and after awhile goes off and does her own thing. She had a notebook and started drawing in it. First she drew a poster of us who are going to Japan--it was pretty great :-) But then she drew a picture of me, as a stick figure, entitled "beautyful Gwen-jo." And I don't know what it is about it, but every time I see it on my fridge, I can't help but feeling so loved and delighted and BLESSED by it. Its amazing how a gesture so simple can bring one such joy.
I can't help but thinking that that is the way God feels about our gifts to Him. Intrinsically they are not amazing or awe-inspiring (Just think--your song that you wrote is supposed to impress the Creator of Music? Hmm...). But the mere fact that you do it for Him out of love and because you simply want to bless Him makes the gift uniquely special, and it is something that will make Him smile.
Anyway, just some thoughts....hope you all are doing well :)
I can't help but thinking that that is the way God feels about our gifts to Him. Intrinsically they are not amazing or awe-inspiring (Just think--your song that you wrote is supposed to impress the Creator of Music? Hmm...). But the mere fact that you do it for Him out of love and because you simply want to bless Him makes the gift uniquely special, and it is something that will make Him smile.
Anyway, just some thoughts....hope you all are doing well :)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
^^ My new pink hair :)
"If I can easily discuss the shortcomings and the sings of any; if I can speak in a casual way even of a child's misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love.
If I deal with wrong for any other reason than that implied in the words, 'from His right hand went a fiery law for them. Yea, He loved the people;' if I can rebuke without a pang, then I know nothing of Calvary love.
If I hold on to choices of any kind, just because they are my choice; if I give room to my private likes and dislikes, then I know nothing of Calvary love."
-Amy Carmichael, If
The other day, I dyed the bottom part of my hair pink, as shown in the picture. Before actually doing my hair, I researched it a lot on the internet to get ideas, etc. I didn't realize there are so many people out there who always do their hair this way. Some of them are emo, scene kids, goth, etc., but some of them are just "normal" people who enjoy doing fun things to their hair.
While looking at their pictures and reading their feedback, I couldn't help but think of all the homeschoolers I teach ad how appalled they (or more likely- their parents) would be at these pierced, rainbow-haired people. I started to get indignant, angry at the conservative crowd for the way that many of them shy away from people who look that way. They wouldn't let their kids near someone like that.
Then it hit me.
In the same way some of the conservative folk judge those kind of people, I judge those same conservatives. Obviously, we judge based on different things (they judge based on appearance and fear, I judge based on attitude and assumption). But the pride that they may be judging those people with is the very same pride that is in my own heart...
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Matt. 7:3-5
Lord give me your heart, your love for people. Help me to see them the way you see them...I don't want to be one who judges or has prejudices against any group of people - whether they be conservative, liberal, rich, poor, skater kids, emo, gay/lesbian, black, Hispanic...
I want to see these people the way the Lord sees them - as lost, broken, and dying people who are searching for something that can only be found in Him. I want to approach them with neither a spirit of fear, nor a spirit of criticism, but with the understanding that we are all broken people, only saved by the grace of God. And a big part of why I was saved was so that I could be a light to them....
Who knew one could learn these things from simply changing the color of one's hair?
Friday, May 21, 2010
contentment
I have come to a realization: I am content.
Once upon a time, for a very long while, I was not content with what the Lord had for me. I was like one of those little kids who sees something across the street and is determined to get there no matter what, because he wants it. (This scenario can only lead to a struggle with mom or dad and anger and tears on the part of the child because they can't get to what they want, and they don't understand why not.)
After (once again) coming to a place of complete surrender, I am content and excited for the plans that the Lord has for my life. In turn, that makes me able to be happy for those who are in the place where I thought I would be be....don't we all have friends like that? Their lives look like how we thought ours would turn out, but didn't. Well, speaking from experience, I can tell you that after you accept and take joy in the Lord's goodness in His will, then you are able to rest in that and not long after another's destiny. Such rest there is in being content...
For the Lord is GOOD, his love endures forever, His faithfulness to all generations...
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
as long as life endures...
Once upon a time, for a very long while, I was not content with what the Lord had for me. I was like one of those little kids who sees something across the street and is determined to get there no matter what, because he wants it. (This scenario can only lead to a struggle with mom or dad and anger and tears on the part of the child because they can't get to what they want, and they don't understand why not.)
After (once again) coming to a place of complete surrender, I am content and excited for the plans that the Lord has for my life. In turn, that makes me able to be happy for those who are in the place where I thought I would be be....don't we all have friends like that? Their lives look like how we thought ours would turn out, but didn't. Well, speaking from experience, I can tell you that after you accept and take joy in the Lord's goodness in His will, then you are able to rest in that and not long after another's destiny. Such rest there is in being content...
For the Lord is GOOD, his love endures forever, His faithfulness to all generations...
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
as long as life endures...
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Deo Volente
What do you think of when you think of knowing the will of God? Or listening to His voice (particularly if you want guidance on a decision, an answer)?
Do you think of sitting in your room with a Bible and a notebook?
A feeling that comes to you?
A message in the sky?
This is what I have been learning about in the last couple weeks.
Yes, I got accepted as a trainee, but that didn't mean I would just take it. Especially at first, I felt very very unsure and apprehensive about accepting it. And naturally, these misgiving made me take a step back to see, "hey, is this really what you want me to do Lord?" And thus it began...
I began searching, seeking, trying to listen, trying to hear from the Lord. A sign, a feeling, what others were telling me, what the Bible seemed to be saying... anything that seemed to point me in a direction.
The outcome of all this? wel...
Sign: Nope. Not any that I saw anyway...
Feeling: I felt frustrated that I wasn't hearing anything....so that wasn't helpful...
Others: well, they all seem to be telling me different things....especially different things about trying to hear God's voice and know His will....
Bible: I guess good, but there is no verse in the Bible that says "Gwen-jo, thou shalt move to NY"
So on Wednesday, I decided to spend the day at home, and spend the day with the Lord. It started out good--alternately reading the Bible, journaling, listening to music....which was great and all...except for the fact that I wasn't seeming to hear anything. By the end of the day, I was angry and frustrated, crying out to God for something, ANYTHING. By the end of the day, I was pretty sure that I was spiritually deaf.
The next day, I had a good long talk with my dad. He presented this scenario: what if God was using circumstances to guide me here? As in, I get accepted, it seems to fit along with what my passions/giftings are, so isn't that the Lord opening a door right there? It seemed like such a novel concept. The Lord guiding us into His will via circumstances? Who woulda' thunk it.
Another epiphany I had was this: do I seek an answer from the Lord more than the Lord himself? Am I not trusting in His character that He has the answer and knows my future and its all good, even if He chooses not to reveal it to me? If I had been truly leaning on Him in this, there would have been less anger and frustration in the silence, and more sweet rest in knowing that He is good.
All that leaves me with is Deo Volente: the Lord willing. I will be going, Lord willing. So unless I start having a bad feeling about going, or every door to getting out there seems to be shut. It is in the Lord's hands, but for now, this is the plan. I will rest and trust in that.
Do you think of sitting in your room with a Bible and a notebook?
A feeling that comes to you?
A message in the sky?
This is what I have been learning about in the last couple weeks.
Yes, I got accepted as a trainee, but that didn't mean I would just take it. Especially at first, I felt very very unsure and apprehensive about accepting it. And naturally, these misgiving made me take a step back to see, "hey, is this really what you want me to do Lord?" And thus it began...
I began searching, seeking, trying to listen, trying to hear from the Lord. A sign, a feeling, what others were telling me, what the Bible seemed to be saying... anything that seemed to point me in a direction.
The outcome of all this? wel...
Sign: Nope. Not any that I saw anyway...
Feeling: I felt frustrated that I wasn't hearing anything....so that wasn't helpful...
Others: well, they all seem to be telling me different things....especially different things about trying to hear God's voice and know His will....
Bible: I guess good, but there is no verse in the Bible that says "Gwen-jo, thou shalt move to NY"
So on Wednesday, I decided to spend the day at home, and spend the day with the Lord. It started out good--alternately reading the Bible, journaling, listening to music....which was great and all...except for the fact that I wasn't seeming to hear anything. By the end of the day, I was angry and frustrated, crying out to God for something, ANYTHING. By the end of the day, I was pretty sure that I was spiritually deaf.
The next day, I had a good long talk with my dad. He presented this scenario: what if God was using circumstances to guide me here? As in, I get accepted, it seems to fit along with what my passions/giftings are, so isn't that the Lord opening a door right there? It seemed like such a novel concept. The Lord guiding us into His will via circumstances? Who woulda' thunk it.
Another epiphany I had was this: do I seek an answer from the Lord more than the Lord himself? Am I not trusting in His character that He has the answer and knows my future and its all good, even if He chooses not to reveal it to me? If I had been truly leaning on Him in this, there would have been less anger and frustration in the silence, and more sweet rest in knowing that He is good.
All that leaves me with is Deo Volente: the Lord willing. I will be going, Lord willing. So unless I start having a bad feeling about going, or every door to getting out there seems to be shut. It is in the Lord's hands, but for now, this is the plan. I will rest and trust in that.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
well...
the audition.
Parts were good, parts were bad (lets put it this way--I definitely didn't dance my best on some stuff, but danced better on others? Hopefully that makes sense...)
I loved the girls I was staying with, the director (and her parents, who are a huge part of the ministry), most of the choreography....
I left the audition pretty much just looking up at the Lord and saying "well, you take it from here!" which is a good place to be.
But, the punchline is: I got it. I got offered a trainee position at Light of the World ballet for next year.
When I found out, I was surprisingly very calm... It was really an Ok Lord--you guide me and I will follow you, moment. I am very happy and excited to see what the next year brings, but it is always bittersweet to think about leaving. I don't usually anticipate these things--I just tend to deal with them as they come, live in the moment-- but this one I know I will have to think through ahead of time. New York is a long long way from Colorado. I will have to pay rent, find a job to pay the rent, be a responsible adult in every sense of the phrase. My friends and family are not nearby at all....I will move out there not really knowing anyone.... its big change. Basically moving out there by myself is going to require a big leap of faith, trusting the Lord to be my strength and my provider....
I already get sad if I think about leaving. I have so many strong relationships here in Colorado, so many memories....not to mention the fact that I will miss the state itself (every time I look at the mountains I think about how I will miss them...). [side note: I will REALLY miss Chipotle. Unfortunately they have NO Chipotle, or Chik-Fil-A in Syracuse....so not okay...] Deep breaths Gwen-jo. Good thing I have time to process through all this....
On the other hand, I am also really excited about what the Lord has in store. There is a possible missions trip to Peru pending, and Hannah Beaver from Ballet Magnificat! is coming to set a ballet on LWB that is about the persecuted church in China, which is SO cool. As you can see, I have quite the mix of emotions happening here....
Anyways, thanks for listening guys. thanks for praying as well--the Lord is faithful, and I am very blessed to have such friends standing and supporting me.
Parts were good, parts were bad (lets put it this way--I definitely didn't dance my best on some stuff, but danced better on others? Hopefully that makes sense...)
I loved the girls I was staying with, the director (and her parents, who are a huge part of the ministry), most of the choreography....
I left the audition pretty much just looking up at the Lord and saying "well, you take it from here!" which is a good place to be.
But, the punchline is: I got it. I got offered a trainee position at Light of the World ballet for next year.
When I found out, I was surprisingly very calm... It was really an Ok Lord--you guide me and I will follow you, moment. I am very happy and excited to see what the next year brings, but it is always bittersweet to think about leaving. I don't usually anticipate these things--I just tend to deal with them as they come, live in the moment-- but this one I know I will have to think through ahead of time. New York is a long long way from Colorado. I will have to pay rent, find a job to pay the rent, be a responsible adult in every sense of the phrase. My friends and family are not nearby at all....I will move out there not really knowing anyone.... its big change. Basically moving out there by myself is going to require a big leap of faith, trusting the Lord to be my strength and my provider....
I already get sad if I think about leaving. I have so many strong relationships here in Colorado, so many memories....not to mention the fact that I will miss the state itself (every time I look at the mountains I think about how I will miss them...). [side note: I will REALLY miss Chipotle. Unfortunately they have NO Chipotle, or Chik-Fil-A in Syracuse....so not okay...] Deep breaths Gwen-jo. Good thing I have time to process through all this....
On the other hand, I am also really excited about what the Lord has in store. There is a possible missions trip to Peru pending, and Hannah Beaver from Ballet Magnificat! is coming to set a ballet on LWB that is about the persecuted church in China, which is SO cool. As you can see, I have quite the mix of emotions happening here....
Anyways, thanks for listening guys. thanks for praying as well--the Lord is faithful, and I am very blessed to have such friends standing and supporting me.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Life/Prayer Requests
I have a prayer request (or 3...)
For whatever reason, I haven't been sleeping very well lately. Some of it is due to the hectic schedule of getting ready for performances and such things, but in any case, I am so done with feeling tired all the time... It takes me a long time to fall asleep, which is probably because my mind is wandering all over the place and can't seem to find its way back home to rest. Just with all of the performances here, the audition this weekend, Japan stuff coming SO quickly, and trying to keep up with praying for all the kids I work with (at CMA and at the churches I go to), I kind of have a lot on my plate. Especially with the audition for Light of the World Ballet coming up this next weekend, I would prefer to not go into it already feeling drained.
Which leads me to my next prayer request: the audition. I do feel like I am supposed to do the audition, that much is clear, but I just haven't had a whole lot of time to prepare for it. I have only been taking two ballet classes a week, and recently less than that with the crazy schedule. I don't feel like I'm dancing very well. And yes, I know that it is all in the Lord's hands regardless of how well or how poorly I do, but I want to leave the audition feeling like I did well. Ya know?
But on the bright side, stuff is going fairly well, CMA-wise. We had our first (and largest) performance on Friday up in Ft. Collins, which was such a blessing. All my kids did pretty good, I love those girls. I also get to share about Japan this year, which I thought was going to be scary, but really wasn't; I just need to learn to be more succinct with my words--I can talk for quite some time... But my *favorite* part was the recessional, the big piece at the end with all of the students. This time the song is called "God of Justice" by Tim Hughes (look it up, its a winner), and it talks about how the Lord has given us all that we need and filled us with His light and life so that we may share it with others. Anyways, at the end, there is this part that we do all together, all 100 something kids and then the rest of us...and let me tell you, looking down and seeing all these kids exhorting those watching to go and let their faith become an action - it was powerful. I just about cried. Pray that the Lord would be using these performances to spur His people into action!
"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?"
Micah 6:8
For whatever reason, I haven't been sleeping very well lately. Some of it is due to the hectic schedule of getting ready for performances and such things, but in any case, I am so done with feeling tired all the time... It takes me a long time to fall asleep, which is probably because my mind is wandering all over the place and can't seem to find its way back home to rest. Just with all of the performances here, the audition this weekend, Japan stuff coming SO quickly, and trying to keep up with praying for all the kids I work with (at CMA and at the churches I go to), I kind of have a lot on my plate. Especially with the audition for Light of the World Ballet coming up this next weekend, I would prefer to not go into it already feeling drained.
Which leads me to my next prayer request: the audition. I do feel like I am supposed to do the audition, that much is clear, but I just haven't had a whole lot of time to prepare for it. I have only been taking two ballet classes a week, and recently less than that with the crazy schedule. I don't feel like I'm dancing very well. And yes, I know that it is all in the Lord's hands regardless of how well or how poorly I do, but I want to leave the audition feeling like I did well. Ya know?
But on the bright side, stuff is going fairly well, CMA-wise. We had our first (and largest) performance on Friday up in Ft. Collins, which was such a blessing. All my kids did pretty good, I love those girls. I also get to share about Japan this year, which I thought was going to be scary, but really wasn't; I just need to learn to be more succinct with my words--I can talk for quite some time... But my *favorite* part was the recessional, the big piece at the end with all of the students. This time the song is called "God of Justice" by Tim Hughes (look it up, its a winner), and it talks about how the Lord has given us all that we need and filled us with His light and life so that we may share it with others. Anyways, at the end, there is this part that we do all together, all 100 something kids and then the rest of us...and let me tell you, looking down and seeing all these kids exhorting those watching to go and let their faith become an action - it was powerful. I just about cried. Pray that the Lord would be using these performances to spur His people into action!
"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?"
Micah 6:8
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Untitled Poem
My Joy has been restored
after laying my burdens at the feet of the Lord
no more to struggle alone
after my problems lie at the foot of His throne
Oh Gracious God, now I trust now I see
these problems were not meant for me
to carry alone with no one beside--
A Heavenly Friend does come alongside
What freedom comes in letting go
true joy and peace, now I know
an unfair trade of struggle for rest--
and You, O Lord, know my way best.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Good Gifts
I don't usually post two blogs so close together, but I wanted to share...
So recently at CMA things are getting close to performance time, which means that I am finishing up teaching dances and and am in the process of "cleaning" them. In one of my classes, I had a girl missing two weeks in a row and was getting a little concerned (read: very anxious/worried) about catching her up and cleaning that dance in two short weeks. So last night I was praying about this, and then I was like, why am I praying about this? Its not like it matters to God that much. It would really only make me feel better about myself, make me feel like I'm a good teacher.
And then I heard that little whispering voice say "Why do you think I don't want to give you good things?"
This is not the first time I have asked this question, or received this answer, but every time it happens, I have to go back and ask What is it that makes me doubt that the Lord wants to give me such things? Now, I'm not one of those people who buys into the "name it and claim it" philosophy of some, I probably tend to err on the side of assuming too often that God doesn't want to give ___ to me.
My answer last year was in a situation with my dad. My dad sometimes says to me "If you do ___ I will give you all the money in my pocket." And more often than not, I say no, because for all I know he could have 10 cents in his pocket. But one of the times I did do it, I ended up getting over $3.00 in change from his pocket.....And how often do we do that with God? Assume that he doesn't want to bless us, His beloved children? Or worse, will just rip us off when we ask for things?
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you....Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matt. 7:7, 9-11
Obviously, no good parents gives their children everything they want, but that doesn't mean that we should hesitate to run to God with all of our requests, big and small. He has proven His goodness to us in dying on the cross, first and foremost--is anything we could possibly request of more worth than that?
"Let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of men! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." Ps. 107:8-9
So recently at CMA things are getting close to performance time, which means that I am finishing up teaching dances and and am in the process of "cleaning" them. In one of my classes, I had a girl missing two weeks in a row and was getting a little concerned (read: very anxious/worried) about catching her up and cleaning that dance in two short weeks. So last night I was praying about this, and then I was like, why am I praying about this? Its not like it matters to God that much. It would really only make me feel better about myself, make me feel like I'm a good teacher.
And then I heard that little whispering voice say "Why do you think I don't want to give you good things?"
This is not the first time I have asked this question, or received this answer, but every time it happens, I have to go back and ask What is it that makes me doubt that the Lord wants to give me such things? Now, I'm not one of those people who buys into the "name it and claim it" philosophy of some, I probably tend to err on the side of assuming too often that God doesn't want to give ___ to me.
My answer last year was in a situation with my dad. My dad sometimes says to me "If you do ___ I will give you all the money in my pocket." And more often than not, I say no, because for all I know he could have 10 cents in his pocket. But one of the times I did do it, I ended up getting over $3.00 in change from his pocket.....And how often do we do that with God? Assume that he doesn't want to bless us, His beloved children? Or worse, will just rip us off when we ask for things?
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you....Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matt. 7:7, 9-11
Obviously, no good parents gives their children everything they want, but that doesn't mean that we should hesitate to run to God with all of our requests, big and small. He has proven His goodness to us in dying on the cross, first and foremost--is anything we could possibly request of more worth than that?
"Let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of men! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." Ps. 107:8-9
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Faith vs. Logic
For whatever reason, I kind of love reading forums on the internet. They are very interesting, thought-provoking....it gets especially interesting when you start reading threads on the forums regarding religion...
For instance, I recently became a member of a snowboarding forum. On this forum they also have a Politics section (ha. It seems that many of the snowboarding community--at least on this forum-- lean really far left politically...very interesante), which happens to have threads about religion in it. One thread was entitled something along the lines of "Religion is Poison" or something like that. I pulled it up on my browser.....man. Wow. The basic premise is that pretty much all religion is bad because religious people force their ideas onto others and are pretty much not intelligent enough to think for ourselves, hence why we lean on religion and not use our brains.
Of course, such a strong thesis will draw others into the discussion, and then you get people from all over the map stating their opinions. There's always a couple Christians in the mix as well, and they do their best to explain and to argue why God is real, how its really about relationship and not even about religion, how not all of us are like those crazy fundamentalists the media is so fond of pointing out..... and I've seen this happen on multiple forums, multiple times.
Which then brings up questions from the atheists and others---where's the proof? How do you know there is a God? What about creation vs. evolution---how do you fight science and the evidence? (Often these questions are posed in a way that can feel somewhat threatening to the Christian on the forum. Usually the questions are not meant to be threatening--they are good questions--but the sheer number of people asking them can be intimidating).
What then happens Mr. Christian tries to defend His faith. (Or they start complaining that they are being attacked simply because they are being questioned....but that is for another day...) And this is what I have an issue with--not the fact that He tries to defend it, but the fact that this person can't do it with logic.
I see this in Christian circles a lot. Its all about the feelings/emotions--feeling that God is there, etc. And that is not a bad thing. I myself am one of those people who falls into the catagory of not-so-logical. But the church can sometimes forget that there are plenty of people out there who need to understand with logic. they need to think it through. And hello, God created logic---it is not an evil thing. We are told to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. We need to be able to explain why we believe what we believe--and even if it is mostly feeling-based, logic is involved as well. I think any Christian who wants to live like a Christian in this world today needs to be able to back up their faith. Research your faith. Know the history of it. Understand why you believe it.
And one more thing--the topic of faith. This is always the thing--how do you explain an unseen Being logically? There is always a measure of faith involved. But my point is that there is logic as well as faith involved here. There are times when you follow God where there is a blind leap of faith, but we need to remember that God is a God of logic as well as faith, He created us with the ability to ask questions, think things through, use the brains He has given us.
P.S. I am definitely not claiming to have a ton of answers here, and I will be the first to admit that I am not the best about doing my homework as far as figuring out why I belive God and explaining that logically. These are just some thoughts that I've had for a while now....
For instance, I recently became a member of a snowboarding forum. On this forum they also have a Politics section (ha. It seems that many of the snowboarding community--at least on this forum-- lean really far left politically...very interesante), which happens to have threads about religion in it. One thread was entitled something along the lines of "Religion is Poison" or something like that. I pulled it up on my browser.....man. Wow. The basic premise is that pretty much all religion is bad because religious people force their ideas onto others and are pretty much not intelligent enough to think for ourselves, hence why we lean on religion and not use our brains.
Of course, such a strong thesis will draw others into the discussion, and then you get people from all over the map stating their opinions. There's always a couple Christians in the mix as well, and they do their best to explain and to argue why God is real, how its really about relationship and not even about religion, how not all of us are like those crazy fundamentalists the media is so fond of pointing out..... and I've seen this happen on multiple forums, multiple times.
Which then brings up questions from the atheists and others---where's the proof? How do you know there is a God? What about creation vs. evolution---how do you fight science and the evidence? (Often these questions are posed in a way that can feel somewhat threatening to the Christian on the forum. Usually the questions are not meant to be threatening--they are good questions--but the sheer number of people asking them can be intimidating).
What then happens Mr. Christian tries to defend His faith. (Or they start complaining that they are being attacked simply because they are being questioned....but that is for another day...) And this is what I have an issue with--not the fact that He tries to defend it, but the fact that this person can't do it with logic.
I see this in Christian circles a lot. Its all about the feelings/emotions--feeling that God is there, etc. And that is not a bad thing. I myself am one of those people who falls into the catagory of not-so-logical. But the church can sometimes forget that there are plenty of people out there who need to understand with logic. they need to think it through. And hello, God created logic---it is not an evil thing. We are told to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. We need to be able to explain why we believe what we believe--and even if it is mostly feeling-based, logic is involved as well. I think any Christian who wants to live like a Christian in this world today needs to be able to back up their faith. Research your faith. Know the history of it. Understand why you believe it.
And one more thing--the topic of faith. This is always the thing--how do you explain an unseen Being logically? There is always a measure of faith involved. But my point is that there is logic as well as faith involved here. There are times when you follow God where there is a blind leap of faith, but we need to remember that God is a God of logic as well as faith, He created us with the ability to ask questions, think things through, use the brains He has given us.
P.S. I am definitely not claiming to have a ton of answers here, and I will be the first to admit that I am not the best about doing my homework as far as figuring out why I belive God and explaining that logically. These are just some thoughts that I've had for a while now....
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Taxes and other mean things
I. Hate. Taxes.
End of story. They're mean. I feel as if they were sprung upon me this year---they hit me out of the blue. Blindsided by it. I pretty much don't know what I'm doing. At all. Something about coming up with the sum of my income (by adding my W-2 and the 1099) and then getting to deduct things. That is about the extent of all I know. Thank you Lord for giving me a Dad who is an accountant!!!!! I did learn that I can deduct my dance shoes and classes and Itunes stuff for CMA though--thats good. That stuff is super expensive. I think I will still have to pay some (lame) but I'm hoping it won't be too much....
my mom keeps telling me that I should marry someone who is good with money. heh. SO true.
Anyways--on to other mean things. Like my face. I recently started going on this acne medication called Accutane (recently here meaning 2 days ago) that basically sucks all the moisture from your body. Its intense stuff---for women, they make you go on at least 2 forms of birthcontrol to make absolutely sure that you don't get pregnant, because the birth defects are so bad. On every piece of paper they give me, on every single container of pills it says in big bold letters DO NOT GET PREGNANT. Multiple times. Thanks. We get the message. Oy. Anyways, despite the fact that this stuff is supposed to get ride of my zits, I am actually getting more zits right now. Awesome. *sigh* Oh and some of the side effects can include depression and thoughts of suicide. The things we do for beauty....
Yet another mean thing---self motivation and self-discipline. I used to be self-disciplined. I don't know what happened. Specifically having to do with dance and this audition coming up....I don't want to do it. Not so much the audition itself, as the classes I need to take to work toward the audition. I don't want to go. I have been taking ballet class on pointe which is highly unfortunate....it makes me feel as if I can't dance. At all. I do like my teacher, but she pushes me REALLY hard, and is one of those teachers who gives more advice and corrections than encouragement. Which isn't a bad thing, its just kind of discouraging at this point in my life. In any case, for whatever reason I feel unmotivated, I just need to make myself do it. I'm going to the audition, I already bought my ticket, I do think the Lord wants me to go to the audition at least. After that? Who knows? At this point I feel uncertain about what this fall will hold. Trying to take this one day at a time---you have to walk before you can run.
Well, that's it folks. The three biggest (current) plagues of my life, right there. You know what they say; "there are two things in life you can be sure about--death and taxes." And you know what else they say-- "life sucks and then you die." (haha. Just kidding. These things are but trifles, they're just annoying :) )
End of story. They're mean. I feel as if they were sprung upon me this year---they hit me out of the blue. Blindsided by it. I pretty much don't know what I'm doing. At all. Something about coming up with the sum of my income (by adding my W-2 and the 1099) and then getting to deduct things. That is about the extent of all I know. Thank you Lord for giving me a Dad who is an accountant!!!!! I did learn that I can deduct my dance shoes and classes and Itunes stuff for CMA though--thats good. That stuff is super expensive. I think I will still have to pay some (lame) but I'm hoping it won't be too much....
my mom keeps telling me that I should marry someone who is good with money. heh. SO true.
Anyways--on to other mean things. Like my face. I recently started going on this acne medication called Accutane (recently here meaning 2 days ago) that basically sucks all the moisture from your body. Its intense stuff---for women, they make you go on at least 2 forms of birthcontrol to make absolutely sure that you don't get pregnant, because the birth defects are so bad. On every piece of paper they give me, on every single container of pills it says in big bold letters DO NOT GET PREGNANT. Multiple times. Thanks. We get the message. Oy. Anyways, despite the fact that this stuff is supposed to get ride of my zits, I am actually getting more zits right now. Awesome. *sigh* Oh and some of the side effects can include depression and thoughts of suicide. The things we do for beauty....
Yet another mean thing---self motivation and self-discipline. I used to be self-disciplined. I don't know what happened. Specifically having to do with dance and this audition coming up....I don't want to do it. Not so much the audition itself, as the classes I need to take to work toward the audition. I don't want to go. I have been taking ballet class on pointe which is highly unfortunate....it makes me feel as if I can't dance. At all. I do like my teacher, but she pushes me REALLY hard, and is one of those teachers who gives more advice and corrections than encouragement. Which isn't a bad thing, its just kind of discouraging at this point in my life. In any case, for whatever reason I feel unmotivated, I just need to make myself do it. I'm going to the audition, I already bought my ticket, I do think the Lord wants me to go to the audition at least. After that? Who knows? At this point I feel uncertain about what this fall will hold. Trying to take this one day at a time---you have to walk before you can run.
Well, that's it folks. The three biggest (current) plagues of my life, right there. You know what they say; "there are two things in life you can be sure about--death and taxes." And you know what else they say-- "life sucks and then you die." (haha. Just kidding. These things are but trifles, they're just annoying :) )
Monday, March 22, 2010
May my heart break with the things that break the heart of God...
This is a dangerous thing to pray. Right up there with "Lord, make me patient" and "Lord, break me down that I may become more like you." Why do I say dangerous? Oh let me tell you.......its because these are prayers that the Lord loves to answer. These are prayers that you can pray confidently knowing that the answer will be yes. We can have that confidence because we know that all of these prayers are perfectly aligned with the heart and will of God; we know He perfectly happy to make these things come to pass in our lives.
So praying "may my heart break with the things that break the heart of God" is a very dangerous prayer indeed.
I think I first started praying this prayer about a year ago. It also happened to be around the time that I was praying for a friend of mine who was not walking with the Lord. We had many long conversations via facebook concerning the existence of God, the goodness of God, the way He chooses to speak. At times it was frustrating and seemed fruitless but God is faithful. But, more than just working in this friend's life, He began working in my life. As I began praying this prayer, God did indeed begin to answer.
And it hurt.
I got this tiny glimpse into the way God's heart breaks over us as we stray. The burden of the sadness for this friend was so heavy, almost to the point of being too much to carry....I remember crying over it a few different times. That burden mixed with the longing that this friend would come to know the Truth made me kind of a mess. Praise God that He is able to carry all of that and more, none other could bear such sadness...
Now the thing is, if I am truly striving to follow after Christ in all I do, that includes my heart breaking for what breaks His. Lord, I don't want to shy away from confusion and heartbreak and suffering....I want to rush to meet it with the the hope that you have given me so graciously...
So praying "may my heart break with the things that break the heart of God" is a very dangerous prayer indeed.
I think I first started praying this prayer about a year ago. It also happened to be around the time that I was praying for a friend of mine who was not walking with the Lord. We had many long conversations via facebook concerning the existence of God, the goodness of God, the way He chooses to speak. At times it was frustrating and seemed fruitless but God is faithful. But, more than just working in this friend's life, He began working in my life. As I began praying this prayer, God did indeed begin to answer.
And it hurt.
I got this tiny glimpse into the way God's heart breaks over us as we stray. The burden of the sadness for this friend was so heavy, almost to the point of being too much to carry....I remember crying over it a few different times. That burden mixed with the longing that this friend would come to know the Truth made me kind of a mess. Praise God that He is able to carry all of that and more, none other could bear such sadness...
Now the thing is, if I am truly striving to follow after Christ in all I do, that includes my heart breaking for what breaks His. Lord, I don't want to shy away from confusion and heartbreak and suffering....I want to rush to meet it with the the hope that you have given me so graciously...
Monday, March 15, 2010
Onward and Upward...
Today I choose joy.
I will not wallow in the mire of self-pity.
I choose to not feel sorry for myself and keep asking the "Why God?" question.
I will rest in peace in the fact that His plans for me reflect His character, that He has good things in store, perfect plans specifically chosen for my life where I can reflect and glorify Him best. Different pots for different purposes.....
I will rest in that. It begins to give me peace and I know that His perfect peace will keep me. For now, all I can do is continue to look up and keep pressing on.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and is seated at the right hand of throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted...." Heb. 12:2-3
(If you're wondering why the sudden outburst, its because I'm reflecting on friends getting to go places and getting opportunities that I wanted. I remember in the past when I've gotten rejected and others have gotten accepted, they would all say "just trust the Lord, He must have better plans for you" and I was always like "yeah right. I would like to see you get rejected and be disappointed and then believe that"....yeah, I was kind of bitter. And some times its still a struggle to not feel sad that everyone seems to get exactly what they want and I don't, but its not true. All I have to do is look back to God---His promises, His character, His faithfulness in the past....and then its better :) )
I will not wallow in the mire of self-pity.
I choose to not feel sorry for myself and keep asking the "Why God?" question.
I will rest in peace in the fact that His plans for me reflect His character, that He has good things in store, perfect plans specifically chosen for my life where I can reflect and glorify Him best. Different pots for different purposes.....
I will rest in that. It begins to give me peace and I know that His perfect peace will keep me. For now, all I can do is continue to look up and keep pressing on.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and is seated at the right hand of throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted...." Heb. 12:2-3
(If you're wondering why the sudden outburst, its because I'm reflecting on friends getting to go places and getting opportunities that I wanted. I remember in the past when I've gotten rejected and others have gotten accepted, they would all say "just trust the Lord, He must have better plans for you" and I was always like "yeah right. I would like to see you get rejected and be disappointed and then believe that"....yeah, I was kind of bitter. And some times its still a struggle to not feel sad that everyone seems to get exactly what they want and I don't, but its not true. All I have to do is look back to God---His promises, His character, His faithfulness in the past....and then its better :) )
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Love like a hurricane...
Today I've been contemplating the love of God. It is always a reality, but some days it just HITS you. Like the popular song "how he Loves" describes it---like His love is a hurricane, and I am but a tree....
Actually it reminds me of Japan last year. When we were in Fukuoka, there was one day where our team decided to walk to this mall about 25 minutes away. Before we left, we heard that it was supposed to rain, and brought several umbrellas with us..... Little did we know how much we would need these. Upon leaving the mall, we saw it----full-fledged rainstorm. I have never seen rain like that in my life. I think we each had an umbrella, but that didn't stop us from getting soaked. There was about 3 inches of water on the street, the rain was blowing sideways, and all the Japanese people were running for cover, as our group happily waltzed home in the rain, singing to ourselves. As we were walking home I heard that small whispering voice of the Lord saying "Gwenjo, this is my love." Wow. You couldn't escape the rain at all, no matter how you held your umbrella.....the water was above you, pooling around your feet, soaking through your clothes. And that is His love for us! Wow. It leaves me speechless....
Could we with ink the ocean fill
and were the skies of parchment made
were every stalk on earth a quill
and every man a scribe by trade;
to write the Love of God above
would drain the ocean dry
nor could the scroll contain the whole
though stretched from sky to sky...
Oh Love of God! How rich and pure
how measureless and strong
it shall forever more endure
the saints' and angels' song!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Billboard
Today in the shower, I had a thought. (What, Gwenjo thinks in the shower? yes, yes she does.) Well, a question followed by a thought technically.
Q: Why are churches so self-promoting? You see billboards by the side of the road, a poster here and there... My first thought was that it has to do with the fact that Christians themselves aren't doing it............which then begs the question---why do we promote our church anyway? Isn't that missing the whole point? Its like proclaiming the castle rather than the king itself. Sure, maybe kind of cool, but not the main attraction. Shouldn't we be promoting Jesus? Is there even a need to promote the church? I'm pretty sure that the church in Acts did not have big signs by the side of the road telling them to come to ____ church.
I want to be Jesus' billboard. Not even a billboard for my church(es) but for the Big Guy himself. You hear stories of people who walk into a grocery store, buy groceries, and randomly lead a person to Christ.....I want to be one of those people. Serving and obeying the Lord in such a joyful way that others can't help but notice and ask.......
“We must know the truth, we must love the truth we know and we must act according to the measure of our love. Truth is God himself who cannot be known apart from love and cannot be loved apart from surrender to his will.” -Thomas Merton
I have been made a part of God's family and been allowed to stay in this world that I may point others to Him. I want to be a light in this crooked and depraved generation.... Lord let me shine and reflect your light, as the moon reflects the sun....
Q: Why are churches so self-promoting? You see billboards by the side of the road, a poster here and there... My first thought was that it has to do with the fact that Christians themselves aren't doing it............which then begs the question---why do we promote our church anyway? Isn't that missing the whole point? Its like proclaiming the castle rather than the king itself. Sure, maybe kind of cool, but not the main attraction. Shouldn't we be promoting Jesus? Is there even a need to promote the church? I'm pretty sure that the church in Acts did not have big signs by the side of the road telling them to come to ____ church.
I want to be Jesus' billboard. Not even a billboard for my church(es) but for the Big Guy himself. You hear stories of people who walk into a grocery store, buy groceries, and randomly lead a person to Christ.....I want to be one of those people. Serving and obeying the Lord in such a joyful way that others can't help but notice and ask.......
“We must know the truth, we must love the truth we know and we must act according to the measure of our love. Truth is God himself who cannot be known apart from love and cannot be loved apart from surrender to his will.” -Thomas Merton
I have been made a part of God's family and been allowed to stay in this world that I may point others to Him. I want to be a light in this crooked and depraved generation.... Lord let me shine and reflect your light, as the moon reflects the sun....
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
SNOWBOARDING
Heck yes, I am excited.
I will remember today forever.....'twas the day I first met my true love, snowboarding. I had heard of him in passing, and longed to meet him, but today, this glorious day, I finally got to experience the wonderful thing he is!!!!
It was oh so wonderful. I don't even know if words can do it justice....but I will try. I must try.
I began the day with a lesson. There were 4 students in my class, none of whom had ever snowboarded or ski-ed (? how do you spell that? Skiid? Skiied? Hmm...) First we learned basic basic stuff--how to put on your snowboard, how to figure out if you're goofy-footed or regular-footed, how to make a heel-side turn, a toe-side turn....all kinds of good stuff. After we felt confident with those things, we headed up the chair lift to try out a real mountain-side. It was amazing. Not saying that I didn't fall a lot, or eat a lot of snow, but flying down on the board was oh so epic. The only slightly un-epic thing was that my "classmates" were somewhat slow on the uptake in learning some stuff.....meaning that I did spend a few minutes waiting alone at the base of the mountain by the lift....but still! So fun. Oh, the one sad part of my day was seeing my snowboard instructor slam into a pole and then limp back to the lodge to find us a new teacher......very unfortunate.
After the lesson and a bit of lunch, I decided to be brave and try the some of the greens (Green meaning for not-so-skilled ski and snowboarders but not the bunny hill). That was an adventure....I did the one that said "Zig-Zag"--dumb idea. I spent about 70% of going down the hill on my butt, but the 30% that I could actually stand up for was not too bad! I went really really fast. After that I headed back to the bunny hill (? Maybe it was a bunny hill....it still looked pretty big to me...). Then I spent the rest of the day trying to remember what teacher Grant had said; of course thats sometimes difficult while flying down a hill trying to run into other people, trees, or the big pillars for the ski lift... after a while I got my mojo back and was able to get down without wiping out until the very bottom.
I think my main issue that I'm having is 1) controlling speed 2) turning to a stop at the base of the mountain after you've picked up a lot of speed. I wiped out A LOT at the base, and each time it ended with a showering of snow that my snowboard had caught. Well, at least I go out with style....
So the day's progression is as follows: 1) I learn to snowboard 2) I feel really good, almost prodigy-like, since I am ahead of my class and can link turns 3) I try the green and feel lame and stupid 4) humbled, I go back to the basics and find that I fail at those 5) I remember what my instructor said and get to a mediocre beginner level.
Needless to say, I can't wait to go again! Yes, parts of it were frustrating, and I have many bruises, but falling is part of getting better. And getting better is what I'm interested in :)
I will remember today forever.....'twas the day I first met my true love, snowboarding. I had heard of him in passing, and longed to meet him, but today, this glorious day, I finally got to experience the wonderful thing he is!!!!
It was oh so wonderful. I don't even know if words can do it justice....but I will try. I must try.
I began the day with a lesson. There were 4 students in my class, none of whom had ever snowboarded or ski-ed (? how do you spell that? Skiid? Skiied? Hmm...) First we learned basic basic stuff--how to put on your snowboard, how to figure out if you're goofy-footed or regular-footed, how to make a heel-side turn, a toe-side turn....all kinds of good stuff. After we felt confident with those things, we headed up the chair lift to try out a real mountain-side. It was amazing. Not saying that I didn't fall a lot, or eat a lot of snow, but flying down on the board was oh so epic. The only slightly un-epic thing was that my "classmates" were somewhat slow on the uptake in learning some stuff.....meaning that I did spend a few minutes waiting alone at the base of the mountain by the lift....but still! So fun. Oh, the one sad part of my day was seeing my snowboard instructor slam into a pole and then limp back to the lodge to find us a new teacher......very unfortunate.
After the lesson and a bit of lunch, I decided to be brave and try the some of the greens (Green meaning for not-so-skilled ski and snowboarders but not the bunny hill). That was an adventure....I did the one that said "Zig-Zag"--dumb idea. I spent about 70% of going down the hill on my butt, but the 30% that I could actually stand up for was not too bad! I went really really fast. After that I headed back to the bunny hill (? Maybe it was a bunny hill....it still looked pretty big to me...). Then I spent the rest of the day trying to remember what teacher Grant had said; of course thats sometimes difficult while flying down a hill trying to run into other people, trees, or the big pillars for the ski lift... after a while I got my mojo back and was able to get down without wiping out until the very bottom.
I think my main issue that I'm having is 1) controlling speed 2) turning to a stop at the base of the mountain after you've picked up a lot of speed. I wiped out A LOT at the base, and each time it ended with a showering of snow that my snowboard had caught. Well, at least I go out with style....
So the day's progression is as follows: 1) I learn to snowboard 2) I feel really good, almost prodigy-like, since I am ahead of my class and can link turns 3) I try the green and feel lame and stupid 4) humbled, I go back to the basics and find that I fail at those 5) I remember what my instructor said and get to a mediocre beginner level.
Needless to say, I can't wait to go again! Yes, parts of it were frustrating, and I have many bruises, but falling is part of getting better. And getting better is what I'm interested in :)
Sunday, February 28, 2010
He is Able, He is Willing
Come Ye sinners, poor and needy,
bruised and broken, sick and sore
Jesus, ready, stands to save you
full of pity, love, and power
He is able, He is able
He is willing, doubt no more
He is able, He is able
He is willing, doubt no more
These were the words I sang right before hopping up on stage to dance this morning. Tiffany and I did By Your Side at my church, this well-beloved and now very familiar dance that we've been performing since last June... Sometimes when you get ready to dance and minister, you feel so ready. Your body is warm and ready to go, your heart is where it needs to be, your mind is focused. And then there are days that are more like today. On this day I had 15 minutes to get up, get dressed, and get my hair and makeup done before dashing out the door (with the help of my sweet mom!). Then a fairly quick practice on stage, a little bit of time in between and then "oh my gosh! We need to get in there for the service!" Luckily, we were after the praise set, so we got to sing. This is always such a blessing when things happen in this order, because we get to sing and praise and get that "warmed up," so to speak. And then the dance.
If you have never seen By Your Side, you should know that it is rather dramatic. Correction, VERY dramatic (don't believe me? look it up on Youtube. Search for CMA By Your Side). It is part drama, part dance. I am the "sinner" in the story, which has been really good in so many ways, because the person I portray in the dance was the person who I was back in 2008. The story the dance tells is mine. So every time that I do this dance, I ask the Lord to remind me of that place in my life--those emotions, those thoughts and feelings. Today was one of those days when it didn't feel "there." I couldn't get into it. I prayed those song lyrics listed above as I sang them, because I felt like the empty person with nothing to offer. I just remember praying "well Lord, if I can't actually feel the emotion, then at least give me the face to portray the emotion." (For the record, this is a good prayer for me to pray. I don't naturally have the most dramatic face in the world, so sometimes it can be a challenge for me...) And praise the Lord, He did....from what people said afterward, I know that HE gave me the expression I needed today. Praise the Lord that He is the one who works, that nothing is impossible for Him! I continue to stand in awe of the way He chooses to work through me and lets me come along for the ride. He is able, He is willing, I will no longer doubt now that my eyes have seen Him and His greatness!
Y'all, I may not have a college education. I may have skipped out on a bunch of classes in high school. But I can tell you that God is BIG, He is good to the one who looks to Him and abides, and that He is faithful in His promises. Oh Lord, may I be your hands, your feet, your voice, your face to the world around me! May I serve as a signpost that points others to you in all I do...
bruised and broken, sick and sore
Jesus, ready, stands to save you
full of pity, love, and power
He is able, He is able
He is willing, doubt no more
He is able, He is able
He is willing, doubt no more
These were the words I sang right before hopping up on stage to dance this morning. Tiffany and I did By Your Side at my church, this well-beloved and now very familiar dance that we've been performing since last June... Sometimes when you get ready to dance and minister, you feel so ready. Your body is warm and ready to go, your heart is where it needs to be, your mind is focused. And then there are days that are more like today. On this day I had 15 minutes to get up, get dressed, and get my hair and makeup done before dashing out the door (with the help of my sweet mom!). Then a fairly quick practice on stage, a little bit of time in between and then "oh my gosh! We need to get in there for the service!" Luckily, we were after the praise set, so we got to sing. This is always such a blessing when things happen in this order, because we get to sing and praise and get that "warmed up," so to speak. And then the dance.
If you have never seen By Your Side, you should know that it is rather dramatic. Correction, VERY dramatic (don't believe me? look it up on Youtube. Search for CMA By Your Side). It is part drama, part dance. I am the "sinner" in the story, which has been really good in so many ways, because the person I portray in the dance was the person who I was back in 2008. The story the dance tells is mine. So every time that I do this dance, I ask the Lord to remind me of that place in my life--those emotions, those thoughts and feelings. Today was one of those days when it didn't feel "there." I couldn't get into it. I prayed those song lyrics listed above as I sang them, because I felt like the empty person with nothing to offer. I just remember praying "well Lord, if I can't actually feel the emotion, then at least give me the face to portray the emotion." (For the record, this is a good prayer for me to pray. I don't naturally have the most dramatic face in the world, so sometimes it can be a challenge for me...) And praise the Lord, He did....from what people said afterward, I know that HE gave me the expression I needed today. Praise the Lord that He is the one who works, that nothing is impossible for Him! I continue to stand in awe of the way He chooses to work through me and lets me come along for the ride. He is able, He is willing, I will no longer doubt now that my eyes have seen Him and His greatness!
Y'all, I may not have a college education. I may have skipped out on a bunch of classes in high school. But I can tell you that God is BIG, He is good to the one who looks to Him and abides, and that He is faithful in His promises. Oh Lord, may I be your hands, your feet, your voice, your face to the world around me! May I serve as a signpost that points others to you in all I do...
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Church-going
Currently, I'm a part of two different churches.
The first, is Bethany Evangelical Free, an EFCA church of about 400 people methinks? In any case, I do quite enjoy it and have been going there for a few years now.
The second is a church I attend on Saturday nights, called Torch Life church, and.......*drumroll please*........it has no building. It is a house church. Each week we meet at a different person's house and have church there. I got connected with it through some friends who have been going to it (and one of these friends also happens to be the daughter of the pastors). I've been going there since August, since I wasn't getting a lot of community at Bethany.
You don't often hear about house churches in America. In other parts of the world, like China, the house church is pretty much the norm, but in the West, its not. Why? Well, my theory is that we like to be entertained. We like watching, we don't really like participating, and we REALLY don't like being one of the ministers in church. Now, I realize that is quite a large generalization, and some people don't participate in church because they have never even considered the possibility of such a notion......but really? Have we here in America become so accustomed to the "here I am, now entertain me" idea that we even apply it to church? Yet, that is what most people expect when they walk into the sanctuary on Sunday morning. We'll listen and sing with the music, listen to the sermon obediently, and maybe even help out with Sunday school....but edifying the congregation is not anywhere to be found on the to-do list.
That's one thing I really love about this house church. Everyone is allowed (and even encouraged and welcome) to share about what the Lord is speaking to them individually, or to the church, a picture or a prophecy the Lord has given them. And as we study the Bible, discussion, comments and questions are a regular occurrence. It almost feels like a Bible study that seeks the Lord together under the direction of a pastor. I love it.
A lack of building allows all the our tithes and the funds to go where we would like them to--not to pay for some expensive building and utilities, but to the Pastors and missionaries we want to support. Not having a facility also places the emphasis back on the church as a group of people, not a building you go to once a week where God supposedly resides. As our pastor Bruce likes to say "its not going TO church, its the Church, going." And that is exactly it. We are able to go. We are not tied down. Does it mean we can offer programs of all kinds, or huge events? Not exactly. But we are a church and we do seek the Lord, and we are still able to serve Him without a building, just as well as we could with a building. (Not to mention the fact that I feel like house church is a closer fit to the church model that we see in the book of Acts.) I think more Christians (and churches for that matter) should take a step back and ask themselves what their focus is, and whether a building is truly necessary for that focus and goal. I'm not saying its the right choice for everyone, but the point is that its a choice that shouldn't be forgotten.
*steps off soapbox*
The first, is Bethany Evangelical Free, an EFCA church of about 400 people methinks? In any case, I do quite enjoy it and have been going there for a few years now.
The second is a church I attend on Saturday nights, called Torch Life church, and.......*drumroll please*........it has no building. It is a house church. Each week we meet at a different person's house and have church there. I got connected with it through some friends who have been going to it (and one of these friends also happens to be the daughter of the pastors). I've been going there since August, since I wasn't getting a lot of community at Bethany.
You don't often hear about house churches in America. In other parts of the world, like China, the house church is pretty much the norm, but in the West, its not. Why? Well, my theory is that we like to be entertained. We like watching, we don't really like participating, and we REALLY don't like being one of the ministers in church. Now, I realize that is quite a large generalization, and some people don't participate in church because they have never even considered the possibility of such a notion......but really? Have we here in America become so accustomed to the "here I am, now entertain me" idea that we even apply it to church? Yet, that is what most people expect when they walk into the sanctuary on Sunday morning. We'll listen and sing with the music, listen to the sermon obediently, and maybe even help out with Sunday school....but edifying the congregation is not anywhere to be found on the to-do list.
That's one thing I really love about this house church. Everyone is allowed (and even encouraged and welcome) to share about what the Lord is speaking to them individually, or to the church, a picture or a prophecy the Lord has given them. And as we study the Bible, discussion, comments and questions are a regular occurrence. It almost feels like a Bible study that seeks the Lord together under the direction of a pastor. I love it.
A lack of building allows all the our tithes and the funds to go where we would like them to--not to pay for some expensive building and utilities, but to the Pastors and missionaries we want to support. Not having a facility also places the emphasis back on the church as a group of people, not a building you go to once a week where God supposedly resides. As our pastor Bruce likes to say "its not going TO church, its the Church, going." And that is exactly it. We are able to go. We are not tied down. Does it mean we can offer programs of all kinds, or huge events? Not exactly. But we are a church and we do seek the Lord, and we are still able to serve Him without a building, just as well as we could with a building. (Not to mention the fact that I feel like house church is a closer fit to the church model that we see in the book of Acts.) I think more Christians (and churches for that matter) should take a step back and ask themselves what their focus is, and whether a building is truly necessary for that focus and goal. I'm not saying its the right choice for everyone, but the point is that its a choice that shouldn't be forgotten.
*steps off soapbox*
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Potter and Clay
(Found this in my journal. I wrote it after finding out that God had closed the door to BalletMag. It was, and continues to be my prayer....Lord transform me into the image of yourself, that I may reflect you...)
You are the Potter
I am but clay
mold me and shape me-
I surrender my ways
to your skilled craftsman's hands
Lord, shape my heart
into your poema, Your work of art
Saturday, February 20, 2010
My hair and other vanities.
I re-dyed my hair red.
Only this time, its fire-engine red. And now I look like a Japanese anime character.
I am slightly scared of its vivid-ness, but I am mollified by the fact that it will calm down with a few washes. I don't know why I have such an affinity for red hair. I know it is a deep-rooted love, beginning somewhere in my childhood, but that's all I know; in the past few years this dream of being a red-headed beauty has become a reality with the help of a sister with skills and a box of dye. Its not that I didn't like my previous color, its just the fact that I like this better, and also feel like it fits my personality better. (Come on, nothing says "passionate, fun-loving, and possibly has a fiery temper" better than the color red...)
I'll admit that the hair change has become a part of my identity, but I think I love the fact that it makes me happy more than anything else. I know as Christian women, we're not supposed to find our beauty in our appearance, but in our attitude and behavior....But for me, this going red trend has a lot more to do with bringing me a bit of joy than being gorgeous. Now, my obsession over my face is another story, but for now, I will enjoy the red-headedness and the joy it brings :)
Only this time, its fire-engine red. And now I look like a Japanese anime character.
I am slightly scared of its vivid-ness, but I am mollified by the fact that it will calm down with a few washes. I don't know why I have such an affinity for red hair. I know it is a deep-rooted love, beginning somewhere in my childhood, but that's all I know; in the past few years this dream of being a red-headed beauty has become a reality with the help of a sister with skills and a box of dye. Its not that I didn't like my previous color, its just the fact that I like this better, and also feel like it fits my personality better. (Come on, nothing says "passionate, fun-loving, and possibly has a fiery temper" better than the color red...)
I'll admit that the hair change has become a part of my identity, but I think I love the fact that it makes me happy more than anything else. I know as Christian women, we're not supposed to find our beauty in our appearance, but in our attitude and behavior....But for me, this going red trend has a lot more to do with bringing me a bit of joy than being gorgeous. Now, my obsession over my face is another story, but for now, I will enjoy the red-headedness and the joy it brings :)
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Olympic Epicness
After choreographing for a while, I decided to take a break and went downstairs to watch the Olympics. What happened to be on? Well, first it was the legendary American snowboarder Shaun White, the guy with the long, wavy red hair, as well as some crazy mad tricks when it comes to snowboarding. On the Half Pipe, he was taking his victory lap, and at the end he did this insane trick....I don't remember but they called it, but essentially he made 3 rotations and 2 twists in the air before gliding back down. Let me repeat that: 3 rotations and 2 twists. Who does that? I think he's the only one. Of course, being the Gwen-jo that I am, it made me really want to try snowboarding. Technically I've wanted to try this for a really really long time, but I come from a non-athletic family and have never really had the opportunity to go (FYI, this is me asking in a not-so-subtle manner to be taken snowboarding. Come on guys. Someone. Anyone?)
All of these Olympians are just so epically awesome....the feats they do just make you go "wow." Like Lindsey Vonn winning the Gold in women's Downhill skiing today, with an injury might I add! I'm sure that doctors all over the country (and the world for that matter) are shaking their heads at the medical stupidity of it, but she won. She accomplished her dream.
That's probably why we love watching the Olympics so much--we're inspired. I mean, how can you not be inspired by the pure awesomeness? And as we all know, "there is no charge for awesomeness, or attractiveness." So while I may never be anywhere near Shaun White when it comes to snowboarding, seeing as I haven't started yet, I am still inspired to become the bestest snowboarder I can be.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Giving Back
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jeus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we have been comforted by God." 2 Cor. 1:3-4
Yesterday, between running to teaching various classes, I got stopped by one of my (former--she's in a different class now) student's moms. This girl is graduating this year, and like so many high school seniors, is not really sure what she wants to do with her life. Her mom started asking me about my journey through that process of figuring out life post-high school: the uncertainties, the doubts, the feeling that you're just untalented and useless, wondering what doors God will open, learning how He will open those doors..... Ah yes, I remember it quite well. It was rough, it was confusing, and it feels like you have to have your whole life planned out ahead of you. (Especially when you have friends who know EXACTLY what they want to do and are heading off to college...and you aren't really sure what your life will look like just yet...) But after that process ends---oh the peace you have inside, simply from making a decision!For me, the peace didn't come until later, when I figured out that hey, God DOES have a plan for my life, and somehow He guided me right into the middle of it. But being able to share my thoughts on that process was so......fulfilling? I guess that's the word I'm looking for. It felt like it had come full circle, being able to share what I had learned for the benefit of others. And the funny thing I've been noticing lately is that sharing your thoughts and beliefs with others reaffirms them in your own life as well. That definitely could be one reason why we are called to speak so much about the faith and hope that we know---it reminds us of how real it is in our own lives. I love that how in blessing others, we oftentimes end up receiving a blessing as well; obviously, that's not why we bless others, but it is a loverly byproduct!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Discouragement
"Uh, I've had a long and rather disappointing day....I should probably get some sleep now." -Monkey, Kung Fu Panda
*Disclaimer* This is the product of an extremely tired and not-so-optimistic Gwen-jo. If you do not mind mindless rambling and complaining, read on. If not, feel free to get back on Facebook, or whatever you were doing.
Some days things are awesome. Stuff goes just as it should, there's no hard questions or difficult decisions to make, you feel good about yourself.
Today was not one of those days.
For whatever reason, Day 1 of CMA Ft. Collins classes was not exactly stellar.
Maybe it was the plethora of kids wanting to be moved up (which of course makes me NOT want to move them up...), or the fact that I think that one of my classes thinks I'm insane and possibly hates me, the fact that I ate too much food AND spent too much money on food that I don't need to eat, the fact there are girls who I was teaching who are technically better than myself.....yeah. Disappointment.
Its days like this that make me wonder (or realize, depending on how you look at it) if I'm just really not cut out for this. What am I doing? I know that God has a purpose and plan putting me in a place where I am not exactly what you would call "gifted," but that doesn't always stop discouragement from setting in, like today. I am thankful for this season of my life. God has blessed me and taught me a lot through this teaching position. But sometimes you just wish for some sign of encouragement, some small little flower of happiness in the sea of weariness (like in the picture on my blog...). I feel like I teach them nothing. Its especially hard when I feel like they don't get anything out of the devotionals. I would like to teach them dance, but teaching them how to love the Lord is infinitely more important...and when I feel like I can't even help them in that......
I know I just need to take a deep breath and remember that it is only the first day, a lot of the girls don't really know me, God often works behind the scenes without giving any sign that He is doing so....and I am tired. After all, Ft. Collins isn't exactly right up the road....
*sigh* Here's to hoping that tomorrow will be better. The sun will come out tomorrow.... and with it some new mercies.
*Disclaimer* This is the product of an extremely tired and not-so-optimistic Gwen-jo. If you do not mind mindless rambling and complaining, read on. If not, feel free to get back on Facebook, or whatever you were doing.
Some days things are awesome. Stuff goes just as it should, there's no hard questions or difficult decisions to make, you feel good about yourself.
Today was not one of those days.
For whatever reason, Day 1 of CMA Ft. Collins classes was not exactly stellar.
Maybe it was the plethora of kids wanting to be moved up (which of course makes me NOT want to move them up...), or the fact that I think that one of my classes thinks I'm insane and possibly hates me, the fact that I ate too much food AND spent too much money on food that I don't need to eat, the fact there are girls who I was teaching who are technically better than myself.....yeah. Disappointment.
Its days like this that make me wonder (or realize, depending on how you look at it) if I'm just really not cut out for this. What am I doing? I know that God has a purpose and plan putting me in a place where I am not exactly what you would call "gifted," but that doesn't always stop discouragement from setting in, like today. I am thankful for this season of my life. God has blessed me and taught me a lot through this teaching position. But sometimes you just wish for some sign of encouragement, some small little flower of happiness in the sea of weariness (like in the picture on my blog...). I feel like I teach them nothing. Its especially hard when I feel like they don't get anything out of the devotionals. I would like to teach them dance, but teaching them how to love the Lord is infinitely more important...and when I feel like I can't even help them in that......
I know I just need to take a deep breath and remember that it is only the first day, a lot of the girls don't really know me, God often works behind the scenes without giving any sign that He is doing so....and I am tired. After all, Ft. Collins isn't exactly right up the road....
*sigh* Here's to hoping that tomorrow will be better. The sun will come out tomorrow.... and with it some new mercies.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Does my love for Christ stretch to my wallet?
So at Celebration Ministry of Arts, this session we will be focusing on outreach--God's love flowing through us to others. (It fits together rather well after last session, talking about the Vine and the Branches and how He is all we need.) I am really excited, yet at the same time, very challenged.
Not because I don't like the idea of outreach, this cup overflowing to those around us--its the practical application of it is the thing. Its recently come to my attention that I am very selfish. VERY selfish. Maybe not at first glance, but when you look closer.....for instance, my finances. Yes, I tithe. But the bare minimum. Yes, I sometimes give to missions/missionaries, Haiti, etc. But there's always enough left in my account to get that oh-so-unnecessary Starbucks fix.
I say that I love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and I want to share His love with others ("Lord, whatever it takes for me to show you to the world!"), but when that sentiment doesn't even stretch as far as my wallet, I have a problem.
It kind of reminds me of the story in Mark 12:41-44
"And [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, 'Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had to live on.'"
As much as it hurts to admit it, I am the rich person in the story---putting in a small fraction of what I could really give and walking away with the coins in my wallet clinking. I try to kid myself and say "well, I'm giving God the best of everything else I do, isn't that enough?" or "Really, realistically, this is all that I can give. Honest. I'll practically starve if I put more into the offering plate."
Such lies. I once knew (well, I guess still know) a girl who had no income. She had no real job---and the Lord provided for her to the point where she had money for rent, food, tuition, a car, and she was able to tithe. It was incredible. And I know of other stories like this, and yet I still doubt that the Lord will provide if I give more. Its pathetic. I am disgusted with myself.
I want to change. I want everything that I have, including my finances, to be able to be used by God at HIS convenience; I want it all to be at His disposal....and yet I fear. Old habits die hard....I know that this will not be a quick fix (what is?), but I keep praying that God will help me to be obedient as I offer this area of my life to Him. Lord make me faithful in giving back to you what you have loaned to me for the time being! Make me to be a good steward.
Not because I don't like the idea of outreach, this cup overflowing to those around us--its the practical application of it is the thing. Its recently come to my attention that I am very selfish. VERY selfish. Maybe not at first glance, but when you look closer.....for instance, my finances. Yes, I tithe. But the bare minimum. Yes, I sometimes give to missions/missionaries, Haiti, etc. But there's always enough left in my account to get that oh-so-unnecessary Starbucks fix.
I say that I love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and I want to share His love with others ("Lord, whatever it takes for me to show you to the world!"), but when that sentiment doesn't even stretch as far as my wallet, I have a problem.
It kind of reminds me of the story in Mark 12:41-44
"And [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, 'Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had to live on.'"
As much as it hurts to admit it, I am the rich person in the story---putting in a small fraction of what I could really give and walking away with the coins in my wallet clinking. I try to kid myself and say "well, I'm giving God the best of everything else I do, isn't that enough?" or "Really, realistically, this is all that I can give. Honest. I'll practically starve if I put more into the offering plate."
Such lies. I once knew (well, I guess still know) a girl who had no income. She had no real job---and the Lord provided for her to the point where she had money for rent, food, tuition, a car, and she was able to tithe. It was incredible. And I know of other stories like this, and yet I still doubt that the Lord will provide if I give more. Its pathetic. I am disgusted with myself.
I want to change. I want everything that I have, including my finances, to be able to be used by God at HIS convenience; I want it all to be at His disposal....and yet I fear. Old habits die hard....I know that this will not be a quick fix (what is?), but I keep praying that God will help me to be obedient as I offer this area of my life to Him. Lord make me faithful in giving back to you what you have loaned to me for the time being! Make me to be a good steward.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Change vs. Realism
(I bet that, based on the title, you thought I was going to talk about President Obama :-) Have no fear, I really don't know enough about politics to comment....that, plus the fact that I'm not very fond of debating.)
The other day my dad was mocking me for not knowing what some of the buttons in my car do. He then proceeded to tell me that there is a lovely thing called an "owner's manual" that I can read to learn how. Now see, when he told me this, he also added that there was pretty much zero chance of me actually sitting down and reading the owner's manual.
Ok, I was somewhat offended. I really really wanted to prove him wrong. I adamantly told him "hey you don't know that! I just might actually read it."
And now, a few months later, that owner's manual is still sitting in my glove box. Untouched, unread.
My question is, where is that line between knowing yourself, and yet at the same time leaving yourself open to change? It bothers me when people think they know themselves SO well that they assume that NOTHING about them will ever change; but at the same time, is that more realistic than thinking/hoping that you can and will change? Do those people have more security in their identity?
My response to my dad's statement was to challenge that view of myself, to surprise him, to not let myself be put into a box.... but technically he did know what I would actually do when it came to figuring out my car.
Oy. Its like the world's greatest conundrum. I suppose that now I could moralize and come up with some cool way that this really relates to anything spiritual, but I got nothing.
Oh wait. I know.
We love answering with a "You can't tell me what to do! You can't tell me who I am!" (Or in my case who I am not.) Ah, my good friend pride and his buddy love-of-self-identity come back again. I think that accepting your strengths and weaknesses doesn't necessarily mean you leave them just as they are. Strengthening those weaker areas doesn't necessarily mean they will become great strenghts, but they will still be helpful....I suppose its the same with all the spiritual gifts as well as the fruits of the Spirit--just because we're not "gifted" with something doesn't mean we just blow it off and just say "oh well, I'll never be good at that, so I just won't try." (And obviously, God is growing those things in us, He is the ultimate gardner...).
God knows that I am not the type to be pro-active in reading the owner's manual for my Honda Civic to figure it out. And while portion of my character may not change, I know there are parts of my character that God can and will strength if I ask Him to. I guess I just first have to get past the "this is how I am, too bad, so sad" mindset.
The other day my dad was mocking me for not knowing what some of the buttons in my car do. He then proceeded to tell me that there is a lovely thing called an "owner's manual" that I can read to learn how. Now see, when he told me this, he also added that there was pretty much zero chance of me actually sitting down and reading the owner's manual.
Ok, I was somewhat offended. I really really wanted to prove him wrong. I adamantly told him "hey you don't know that! I just might actually read it."
And now, a few months later, that owner's manual is still sitting in my glove box. Untouched, unread.
My question is, where is that line between knowing yourself, and yet at the same time leaving yourself open to change? It bothers me when people think they know themselves SO well that they assume that NOTHING about them will ever change; but at the same time, is that more realistic than thinking/hoping that you can and will change? Do those people have more security in their identity?
My response to my dad's statement was to challenge that view of myself, to surprise him, to not let myself be put into a box.... but technically he did know what I would actually do when it came to figuring out my car.
Oy. Its like the world's greatest conundrum. I suppose that now I could moralize and come up with some cool way that this really relates to anything spiritual, but I got nothing.
Oh wait. I know.
We love answering with a "You can't tell me what to do! You can't tell me who I am!" (Or in my case who I am not.) Ah, my good friend pride and his buddy love-of-self-identity come back again. I think that accepting your strengths and weaknesses doesn't necessarily mean you leave them just as they are. Strengthening those weaker areas doesn't necessarily mean they will become great strenghts, but they will still be helpful....I suppose its the same with all the spiritual gifts as well as the fruits of the Spirit--just because we're not "gifted" with something doesn't mean we just blow it off and just say "oh well, I'll never be good at that, so I just won't try." (And obviously, God is growing those things in us, He is the ultimate gardner...).
God knows that I am not the type to be pro-active in reading the owner's manual for my Honda Civic to figure it out. And while portion of my character may not change, I know there are parts of my character that God can and will strength if I ask Him to. I guess I just first have to get past the "this is how I am, too bad, so sad" mindset.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Whoa. I have a blog?
At the request of a certain Brooke Martin and Irene Owens I have created a blog. Hopefully I will be faithful to write and keep my friends who are scattered across the globe updated :) Not exactly sure what I will be writing about. Probably all things random, and lots of God-stuff sprinkled in.
I have called this blog a work in progress because I feel like this will be the theme for my life. I love completing things, checking things off lists, so its a little hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this whole following Christ thing is not just a bunch mini-lessons on a list that you check off once you've learned them. No, its more like start the lesson, learn more, take two steps forward, one step back, and then 10 years later you still don't have it down (thats what it feels like anyway!). I'm like a sprinter trying to run a marathon. I'm not a big fan of perseverance. So understanding that this is a life-long growing process is a lesson that takes time to learn. But on the bright side, I do know that one day I will be the finished product---PERFECT.
"And I am confident that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Man, THAT will be the day. Can't wait. Until then, I will keep my eyes fixed on the One in charge of changing me....seeing as I'm not so good at changing myself.
Well, that's it for now kids, stay tuned for Gwen's next blog about......something? Yup. This is going to be an adventure....
I have called this blog a work in progress because I feel like this will be the theme for my life. I love completing things, checking things off lists, so its a little hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this whole following Christ thing is not just a bunch mini-lessons on a list that you check off once you've learned them. No, its more like start the lesson, learn more, take two steps forward, one step back, and then 10 years later you still don't have it down (thats what it feels like anyway!). I'm like a sprinter trying to run a marathon. I'm not a big fan of perseverance. So understanding that this is a life-long growing process is a lesson that takes time to learn. But on the bright side, I do know that one day I will be the finished product---PERFECT.
"And I am confident that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Man, THAT will be the day. Can't wait. Until then, I will keep my eyes fixed on the One in charge of changing me....seeing as I'm not so good at changing myself.
Well, that's it for now kids, stay tuned for Gwen's next blog about......something? Yup. This is going to be an adventure....
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