Convinced

Today, 6 of us trainees from Light of the World Ballet went to do what we refer to as "Wednesday Outreach." There have been variations on what kind of outreach we do, and today, we did outreach in one of its purest forms - street evangelism.
So, armed with Dunkin Donuts gifts cards, a lot of prayer, and the name of Jesus on our lips and the love of God in our hearts, we headed out to a street corner that has a ton of bus stops around. (Please don't think of me as super spiritual, or a super Christian for doing this. It scared me half to death both times we've done this....)
Suffice it to say, it is very nerve-wracking approach a person who you literally just met on the street and try to talk to them about Jesus. But, approach we did....

The last time we went was freezing cold, and many people were so closed that they wouldn't even want any sort of prayer, or even a cup of coffee. Today was much warmer, and perhaps the wonderful presence of the sun had melted away some of the hardness of hearts and faces. (Either that, or the awesome presence of the Lord had been working on opening hearts! I'm pretty sure that was the real reason.) We talked to these two black girls who I could have sworn were in their 20s, but were only 14 and 15. One of them wasn't in school because she got suspended for something having to do with drugs. The other shared with us how her dad had lung cancer, and could go any day. We took them to Dunkin Donuts and got to talk with them about Jesus and pray with them before they headed off down the street.
We also talked to this guy named Shane, who recently got diagnosed with a mental illness. He was very open to hearing about Jesus, and I had the privilege of presenting the Gospel to him. We invited him to church on Sunday, and we're praying that he comes. At the end, we prayed for him and when I looked up, he had tears in his eyes. WOW, talk about divine appointments - being in the right place at the right time.

I kept thinking of the story in Acts 3 of a lame beggar getting healed. The beggar asks Peter and John for money, to which Peter replies "I have no silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!" And the man is healed and starts leaping around praising the Lord. The Lord knows that I have literally nothing to offer on my own - all I have is what He has given me. And it is more than enough, because in the name of Jesus is power, and there is no other name under heaven by which men can be saved. And the awesome thing about witnessing to someone else is that is strengthens your own belief as well - it makes me even more convinced of the fact that Jesus is alive and He is good and holy and righteous and powerful....
I could go on all day.

Some pics we took afterward...

Keep

I'm drinking coffee, getting ready to go to a New Years Party.

and I'm thinking back over 2011...

I know I say the word 'wow' a lot, but WOW. So much has happened. Let me rephrase that: The LORD has accomplished so much. In me, through me, in spite of me...

I think "my" biggest "accomplishment" for 2011 is the work the Lord has begun in my heart. It started with breakthrough and ended with ....well, except for the fact that it hasn't ended. It hasn't been accomplished. YET.
I remember a year ago asking the Lord for one word that should define 2011. His answer?

KEEP

Keep seeking
Keep reaching
Keep pressing in
Don't give up
Press ON

Its been a good word. I don't want to throw it away just because I'm hitting 2012. As Paul says in Philippians 3:15 that those of us who are mature should think this way: that we press on and strain toward what is ahead for that prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. I've realized that I basically need to give up on thinking of myself as mature. The Lord has clearly shown me that there was so much pride in my thinking that way when every step has been by His grace. (When I say that, I mean either by His grace directly, or by His grace in giving me/growing me in self-discipline)
He is good. His lessons might be hard, His discipline might be painful, but I'm standing in awe at His work. I'm asking for more of Jesus, and less of Gwen in 2012. I'm excited to see what He has in store....truly.

Heart Transplant

So I'm a bad blogger.... sorry about that.

Frankly, there have been many times where I have been tempted to blog thoughts and things, and then just realized that these "thoughts" are really more along the lines of rants. They would be the angry, frustrated product of someone who should really just journal, read her Bible, and talk to Jesus about things first. (Please know, I'm not trying to shut you out my life - I'm trying to be more prudent in what I say, especially when what I have to say is probably not true or uplifting for anyone to read.)

So here I am, on Christmas break, trying to sort through a couple months worth of thoughts, experiences, memories. To be perfectly honest, the last couple months have been...how shall we say......very rough. Emotionally, relationally, spiritually. There has been some painful situations to walk through over these months, but even more painful than the situation is seeing my reaction to that situation. I never cease to be amazed when the Lord reveals to me the utter depravity of my own heart, the depth of the sin and wickedness that happens there. The Lord is doing a major work.

And its not like the He wasn't doing a work before, but this one is different. Its deeper. Some very deeply rooted sins are being exposed, and feel like they are being ripped out. Its excruciatingly painful. And in some ways I knew what I was in for - I gave the Lord permission to do what needed to be done to work on these areas. I guess I underestimated how painful that work was going to be! (Side note: Prayers for things like humility and for the Lord to "do what is necessary to deal with X" - these prayers are dangerous! Know that the Lord will hear and will answer swiftly! Pray at your own risk!)

Theres a part of me that is crying from the pain of that work, and then this other part of me that is deeply, intensely thankful for the work that He is doing. Its definitely not over, and I don't even know if I can say that I can say that the worst is over, but the first shock of pain is over. It kind of feels like I'm at that point in a heart transplant where the previous "bad" heart is about to be replaced with a new, "good" heart, but it hasn't quite been put in yet. I'm hoping that it will be soon.

I keep going back to those verses in Ezekiel 11 when the Lord is talking about bringing back His people Israel from where Hes scattered them, and the work He will do in their hearts

"And when they come there, they will remove from it [Israel] all its detestable things and all its abominations. And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh that they may walk in my statues and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God." 11:18-20

What a promise! He removes the heart that doesn't belong and gives us the heart He originally intended us to have that we traded for something evil. He takes us back as His people, and claims us as His own. Amazing.

So this is where I'm at. If you're in the same boat as me, where you're feeling the Lord work some things in your life that are not so comfortable, know that we have a promise. He's not done yet. And when He is, we will see Him more clearly, serve Him more purely, and worship Him more earnestly.

Life as of late

Wow does time fly by! I can't believe that Thanksgiving is just a couple weeks away... sadly I won't be going back to Colorado until Christmas, but I do have a couple days off, which is nice :)

Life has been crazy as of late. The last couple of weeks, the LWB company has been in Israel on a missions trip, and some of us trainees had the responsibility of running/teaching at the LWB school while they were gone, doing 2 performan

ces, and also trying to set these pieces of choreography on each other, with the goal of that getting done before they returned. All in addition to regular classes (we had guest teachers come - such a huge blessing!), and a semi-regular work schedule (ie, when we weren't teaching, we were working at our regular "day" job). So it was all slightly crazy. Very much a test in trusting the Lord with all of these things.

There were some highlights (like this lady possibly getting saved at one of the performances!?) and low(ish)lights (like turning into this selfish horrible person when I realized that my piece of choreography needed some major work, and trying to fight for time to rehearse, which was extremely limited - frustrating), but overall, things are beginning to calm down. Praise the Lord!

In the midst of all this, I've been thinking/reading a lot on the whole idea of being conformed to the image of Christ, being transformed as we look upon His glory. I always have a little bit of an inward battle with that, the whole letting the Holy Spirit work vs. taking responsibility/being disciplined to form good habits. Trying to trust the Lord with that one too. My pastor actually preached a sermon on the Fruit of the Spirit today which was really good; the main point he kept hitting on was being fully dependent on the Holy Spirit to lead us in every part of our lives. It was really what I needed to hear, that reminder that He is the one who will bring it to completion. For those of us who fall into legalism so quickly, it is such a relief to remember that.

Anyways, still here, still clinging to His grace, still being transformed and conformed as I wait on the Lord. Not super easy (ha, not easy at all!) but I wouldn't have it any other way. More of You, Jesus....

Uncertain

Death puts things in perspective.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to get to talk to some teenage girls about my missionstrip to Peru with LWB - the point I was trying to make was that it wasn't what you have or don't have, its what you do with it, and its your attitude toward what the Lord has given you. About 45 minutes before I was supposed to leave to give this talk, I got news that a girl I went to high school with had gotten killed in a car accident. Obviously, I was shocked....it was all so sudden.
Steph was a beautiful, sweet girl with an unforgettable smile who really loved Jesus. As sudden as it all is, I am so excited for her that she is getting to see Jesus right now! But in the mean time, my first response is to hope and to pray that since life is short, and uncertain, that I am not going waste my life, the time I've been given.
The other day I was reading Romans 1 and in verse 21 it talks about how mankind has not honored God as God and instead become futile in our thinking....I ended up looking up the definition of the word futile and learned that it means "serving no useful purpose, ineffective, occupied with trifles." I think one of the biggest issues for Christianity today is the fact that rather than spending our time and energy looking for ways to glorify the Lord, we waste it. We waste our time, we waste our energy on things that will have no impact on the kingdom of God. I don't want to get to the end wishing there had been more time.... I'd feel content that I'd done what the Lord had asked me to do.

So, cliche as it is to say "what if today was your last day" its a question that we should be asking ourselves seriously. Are you ready? Life is uncertain.....don't waste it.

I dreamed a dream.....

So I have dreams.
Like weird dreams. (This is the part where you say: doesn't everyone?)
But apparently dreaming can sometimes be an extension of the spiritual gift of prophecy, interestingly enough.

I recently talked to someone who has a lot of insight into this area, who believes I have this gift. There are times I wake up and get a feeling that a dream has meaning....there have only been a couple of times when I know what that meaning is though. I'm reading a few different books on the topic - interesting stuff. Some of it is a *little* hard for me to swallow, but I'm trying to be open minded, and at the same time measure up these teachings with what I know from the Bible.... There is so much I don't know. I think the older I get, the more I realize that fact.

Both cool and weird....our minds are so creative and or crazy. I do like dreaming though, I am happy to be dreaming again. Whether or not a dream has meaning, they sure are entertaining!

Back to the grind

Its that time of year - time to put the pedal to the metal, bury your head in the books, and get my mind and body back in shape for another season at Light of the World Ballet...

My goal(s) for this year: Perseverance/Discipline.
We had orientation yesterday and we were instructed to ask the Lord for vision for this next year and come up with a few goals. Perseverance and discipline seem to be a theme in my life right now in so many areas: in learning to love others, in being careful with my words (thats a big one), in my dancing (haha.....yeah...), in my seeking out the Lord. Don't get me wrong, I am all about grace (really!), but at this point in my life, I have seen that these are definitely a

reas that need growth. Desperately.

Here's my inspiration:

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith." Gal. 6:9-10

I grow weary so quickly, and lose joy for something even more quickly it seems, but I trust the LORD and His promises - and HE is faithful. I am so thankful that He is here with me in this journey to gain more discpline and perseverance on this road called life. And it is a JOYFUL journey, if I choose it to be (and I DO choose it Lord!)....

So thats my vision for this year. I really am praying that this is a season of much growth, and much fruit, and Gwen having a good attitude in all things :)